nigel farage tweet: The Bank of England is replacing Winston Churchill with a picture of a beaver on our bank notes. This is the definition of woke.
i, for one, am delighted that we finally have a definition of “woke”
I’m hitting the chocolate milk a little early today
It’s the most magical season: trees, march madness, baseball, linen clothes, shamrock shake, new birds. What a time to be alive.
The trees in Charlotte look so good today. Holy shit. Incredible. Give it up for these hardworking trees.
In my wildest dreams I never imagined I’d become a cold plunge person but here we are.
Three panel comic. Panel 1: three witches stand around a cauldron while one of them stirs. Panel 2: one of the witches adds a scoop of pre workout into the pot. Panel 3: the three witches are getting absolutely shredded in the gym.
This is the sort of thing a cashless society robs us of, the opportunity to try to get away with paying the bus fare in Carthaginian currency www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
I can never walk past a sugar maple without saying I’d tap that
Pitbull v @pitbull Follow Happy International Women's Day to all of the women around the world! @TheMostBadOnes And then it’s a picture of him surrounded by attractive women
Happy International Women’s Day from Pitbull
I’ve been collecting a lot of swan themed things lately.
Sounds like the Doctor diagnosed you with Too Cool. They’re saying it’s untreatable. Stay strong 🙏
A millennial on on my 5th recession:
I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN YOU’RE (the government of my entire adult life) NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN
*~Congress~*: pissing the night away, pissing the night awayyyy
Yeah, it’s likely my car will die in the next year. I really don’t want another car but my city has awful public transportation options so I can’t get around it, but also I didn’t budget for a very basic used car being like 25k.
Twilight Zone premise
you’re laughing? iran is lobbing missiles at linkedin mutants, techbros and ufc fighters and you’re laughing?
Senators need to quit asking me for money. The nerve!
It would be so nice if strangers could stay out of peoples business.
Today is not todaying
Who can reply: anyone, nobody, people who can be normal about it.
trying out a new feature, lmk if it works
at my funeral, my casket is resting underneath a huge banner that says ‘he’s in flavortown now’
It’s fascinating to watch men try to impress each other while also trying to give off the impression that nothing impresses them.
She's like an old samurai whose great battles are behind her but every once in a while she kills a man with piece of paper just to prove a point
Myself & the other comedians who did the Riyadh Comedy Festival are donating our fees to help get influencers under attack in Dubai back home to their influencer houses. I am sponsoring Braevyn McTaigg from Orlando, FL. 🫡🇺🇸🏝️
Oh now I get it. Dubai is Golgafrinchan Ark B.
fuck, I’m sorry, I can’t compete with this
I still like Chili’s but I think they should let you take a nap there after you eat.
Me talking to my friends under 30:
“And wars had to be authorized by Congress, which was the style at the time”
> @covie93.bsky.social
