It's TheGirlPie!

Do journalism schools not have "how to ask liars questions" courses?

Elaborate self-care regimen abandoned in name of self-care.

🎯

I’m addicted to quoting 80s song lyrics. Might as well face it.

I’d never want to put you into an awkward position is what someone says right before they put someone in an awkward position.

Worked out by running from a bee.

Sizing sucks. The talented Amanda Sakuma explains what why (and shares my love of custom pattern making):

A package of "Colonel's Favorite Jellybeans" with a drawing of Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken, listing fried chicken, sweet corn, and gravy flavors (all made with artificial flavors).

Chicken and gravy flavored jellybeans are definitely what your kids want for Easter

I put the same amount of cream cheese on my bagel that I imagine a hobbit would

My biggest strength? Versatility. Adaptability. For example, this belt is reversible. Black or brown. Whatever comes my way.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, followed closely by Breakfast 2, Lunch, Dark Lunch, Breakfast 4 and Midnight Casserole Buffet

wtf, i think my stomach is dialing aol

My Olympic training is really paying off. One day soon I will finish emptying the dishwasher before the Keurig finishes brewing my cup of coffee.

a giant ravioli filled with lasagna

I still don’t think using the acquisition of a Klondike Bar as an evaluator of what kind of abhorrent behavior I’m capable of is a good idea. When push comes to shove, rest assured I can go to some dark places.

I'd be lucky if I was able to rock someone like a mild tropical depression.

still supporting that man and his family is a special kind of brain disease

Earlier today I got into that procrastination flow state where I didn't even know what I was doing to put off my work, but the hours just flew by.

(drifting off to sleep)

I bet living in a big strawberry isn't as great as it seems.

For those who think art can't change the world: since the release of “Footloose,” not one town in America bans dancing.

A young woman on a podcast today tried to tactfully describe the special quality of her friend's beauty and said she was voluptuous only she unironically mispronounced it "vo-LUMP-tu-ous." They seemed happy and never missed a beat so god bless.

“It’s important to listen to your body”

My body: You want a 3rd iced coffee and a trip to the bookstore.

I just need to like sit by the ocean and disassociate for five days

I know I'm depressing. I'm very self aware which makes me depressed.

The other day I saw a lone encyclopedia standing on the corner shouting "I USED TO BE SOMEBODY!!!"

Big respect for the onscreen talents of Morgan Freeman but MY GAWD is he milking this dinosaur doc!

(My honey uses it to unwind to, but Freeman’s 6-wpm elocution has me so annoyed I’m gonna go clean the kitchen in earphones.)

Son, when I was your age, apples were as big as watermelons, they were green on the outside, and when you cut ‘em open, they were red and juicy inside and tasted like watermelon

before saving daylight its important to take time to save yourself

“…hopping…” takes it pro! Beautiful! 🏆🏆🏆

Fine, keep one leg out of the covers while you sleep. Just don’t come hopping to me after a monster bites it off.