kim

she said “it’s 3:98 in the morning”

quick someone say something funny this basic bitch put me in a real bad mood

he sounds lovely

I was so shocked (i wasn’t )

haha ofc. do not beep at this lady tho she will murder your family

“I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY NOW” while beeping loudly. (also no you don’t bc i’m a pedestrian now). privileged white women seriously need to be stopped. anyway, here’s wonderwall (her license plate right after she tried to run me over in case you live in the NY area, stay away from this unhinged cunt)

& she says i hope u broke them let me run them over! so again i laugh & say, ok karen. she flips out and starts cursing so i just say, quiet, piggy, i had the right of way. i start to walk away and she speeds around and drives by me like she’s trying to hit me w her car and screams (2 of 3 i lied)

i was driving in a parking lot & a woman was pulling out of a spot. she didn’t see me so i beeped. nbd right? so i pull into a parking spot and she’s waiting behind my car in her car. she calls me an animal (?) for doing that so i laughed bc what? then i accidentally dropped my sunglasses (1 of 2)

don’t forget to set your clocks ahead 3 years today.

happy international women’s day to all my queens

women: *post a selfie online*

her DMs:

baby’s first hotel stay

told my grandma at dinner that kanye west is dating ice spice so she threw her mashed potatoes into the ceiling fan and locked herself in the bathroom. we all deal with bad news in our own ways

Went to the Bone Temple and they were worshipping your mom

i’d rather her be convicted

never

thank you my pharmacist didn’t know the answer

me: why didn’t Ariel just write a note to the Prince after she lost her voice to let him know what Ursula did to her? i mean she signed the contract so we know she can write

pharmacist: i meant questions about the medication

{concert}

lead singer: this next one’s off our new album…

me: *already in my car*

i know this is AI but they still look like this irl so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Full House Of Horrors

same

good to see my sleep paralysis demons are doing well.

whoever working the white house socials needs to get better at photoshopping faces onto bodies i mean wtf

the difference in applause between the 2 men and the 2 women from the USA hockey team on SNL just now was music to my ears 👏🏼

it’s the most talented gps ever

every time you get in an accident: AND I’M SO SORRY

set my GPS voice to blink-182 and my car turned its lights off and carried me home

RIP congress gone too soon.