natalayhehoo

I forget about this place 😭

Fucking facts

I truly thought I was gonna be offered heroin and cocaine on the regular 😂

I have never been offered drugs in a parking lot. DARE was full of shit, man.

If the earth were flat all the men would’ve gathered to pee off the edge already.

Today's Word of the Day is Horology, but it is not at all what I thought it was.

If love is a battlefield then The Love Boat must be a battleship.

Those extra 5 minutes I spend hating everyone and everything before I walk in the office really sets the tone for my day

Don’t ignore me when I’m ovulating, goddammit

I hate watching other people play Rummy. You’re all doing it wrong.

You drive your kids around all day and what do you have to chauffeur it?

Sam Elliott selling Fritos can only mean one thing:

Fritos are mustache flavored.

I can neither sing nor act nor dance

I’m a triple non-threat

I’d like to speak to someone in charge

I am serious. And you can call me Shirley 3 more times. But that's all.

I will wholesome the fuck out of you

Tori Amos is a queen

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

*brings a mattress to a trust fall*

Put ze candle beck

*horses scream*

Who needs a raise when you get “kudos” from management?

My oldest child turned 20 today, if you were wondering what the Crypt Keeper currently looks like .

i tried eating whole foods but i can only get my mouth open just so wide

My memory is improving. The horror.

who the fuck would want a work husband? like i need another asshole in my life asking me where we keep the scissors

We don't have DM's on BlueSky, so whenever there's drama I need each of you to call me on the landline and tell me what's going on.