BOB DELUXE

I shaved off my eyebrows and glued them back on a little bit higher FOR THIS!!?!!

BREAKING: Marco Rubio becomes the first person to ever cross the Delaware river in a Florsheim shoe.

#DonaldTrump

horror story in four words:
make america great again

U.S. Suffers Additional Casualties In War It Won Last Week

U.S. Suffers Additional Casualties In War It Won Last Week

How do you know if you've won a war if you don't know why you started it?

a man in a tuxedo and bow tie is looking at a green ball in the air . ALT: a man in a tuxedo and bow tie is looking at a green ball in the air .

Thanks for the spoiler dude.

Hegseth has proven he's a pro at lying, gaslighting and pitching propaganda hubris. He'll be a shoe-in for getting another job at FOXnews once his gig ends with Honest Don.

The Trump administration could really restore confidence by getting the entire Cabinet to ride a tanker through the Straits of Hormuz to show everyone how safe and easy it is now.

They could bring along a lot of MAGA influencers and Fox News hosts to broadcast it all live!

*overheard in hospital ER*

Trach her? I hardly know her!

Great brand name for space age cookwear cooking pants,

Oh damn.

Sometimes I wonder if interstellar space is littered with the corpses of all the people who invented time travel but didn't account for celestial movement

The shooter was dead? How is that even possible?

I'm not a military guy. Are you supposed to have a plan when going to war?

Prospective Car Buyer Takes SUV Out For Test Hit And Run

Prospective Car Buyer Takes SUV Out For Test Hit And Run https://theonion.com/prospective-car-buyer-takes-suv-out-for-test-hit-and-run/

The hunter orange gear is gonna make it more difficult to claim it was an accidental shooting.

When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

Earlier I implied that I escorted yo' momma through the Strait of Hormuz. I apologize for the misinformation. Yo' momma's too fat for such a narrow passageway and whatnot.

cramming for this eye exam looking at every fucking thing I can

You can say "please" and "thank you" a million times and your toddler will never repeat it, but if you say "ass-faced mother fucker" ONCE...

Good luck!

The end of the world AND I've gotta pay to read about it? Sheesh.

Because it feels like a quagmire.

Is it too soon to call it a quagmire?

Same picture.

For those skeeting they expected quicksand to be a bigger threat than it's been...

Steven Miller forgot about the time change.

"Meet the new Boss! Same as the old Boss!"
- Roger Daltrey, after cloning Bruce Springsteen

Got fired from my job as a porn star bc I couldn’t stop saying GREAT CAESAR’S GHOST during the money shots

Can't. Spending the day at my parents changing all their analog clocks.