Winter The Gay Warden (they/them)

I hate that I am able to actively feel my health getting worse. It wasn’t enough that I could see the outward signs but I can feel the internal failings now as well.

It’s exhausting fighting every day to survive my body trying to kill me.

Two tarot cards with the Rider Waite artwork X of Swords - Reversed The Fool - Reversed

Request fucking denied. The alarm clock blinks at Davey, the time reading midnight, the zeros stacked on top of each other where his head is laid on the thin pillow at an angle to the display as he fights to fall asleep. The insomnia isn't new-a symptom of the go-pills handed down to him through a chain of command that he's sure leads straight back to Price's American CIA friend-but the overwhelm of it had finally broke him, dragging his lead limbs to another new face on a new base to request a change to the prescription. 'As needed' should have given him a choice, but he's been taking them just to get through each day at this point, encouraged by people he couldn't remember the names of if he tried. His official return from Syria has been overwhelming, dragged from base to base like he's on a leash with a mutton-chopped Captain in command, and opportunities that he'd jumped at on return now feel like a slog he never signed up for. Go here. Go there. Spend two days standing on the fucking tarmac just to be sent to a training field halfway up the country or over the border instead. He liked the man, but that was before he forgot which way was up and the solution was to hand him the CIA lady's solution of go-pills-a rattling plastic container filled with approved medication that would keep him awake for a 64 hour mission but is instead being handed to him so he can get through endless training on less than five hours sleep a night. He rolls onto his back, throwing one arm over his eyes and letting out a slow breath. There's a silver lining in his return--half of the bases he's been to have trended toward newer accommodation with single rooms, at least giving him space and time to breathe once he finally sinks into his temporary bed. There's no one here to watch him toss and turn, too exhausted to sleep and mind ticking over what's expected of him in the coming days.

It's mercifully on the ground: one PT appointment, one not-an-investigation conversation, one video call with a counsellor he's never met and never will again, and a stack of training files and simulation practices. Not that he wants to be on the ground-it took a number of weeks before he was finally in a fighter jet again, feeling something of home click into place that he'd felt missing from his soul for the past few years and proving himself to still be a capable and effective pilot-but he's starting to feel like he's sailed past his own limits and is headed over the edge into oblivion, and he feels unsafe. It's almost laughable, after the heavy fire he's been under since his plane went down, but he thinks maybe that's part of what's wearing on him. Even in the most fraught exercises, home turf has come with stability and security, with three meals a day and a bed, and a transparent chain of command. This isn't stable. The pressure in his head doesn't seem to go away anymore, a persistent throb deep in his skull, and he bears his arm down heavier against his brow bone with some hope that it'll at least ease it for a moment, before he sighs and pushes himself to sit up. Bringing his knees up, he sits up against the headboard, switching his bedside light on to see around him, knocking back two paracetamol and picking up the bottle to pull the folded paper pamphlet free to read, eyes skimming the words too fast and reaching the bottom of the page with nothing retained. He raises his knee high enough that he can rest his fist on it and his chin on top of that, his other hand turning the flimsy paper until he finds the side effects and starts reading again. They're nothing new; when he first got them, he sat down and carefully made his way through the information under suggestion, but he never expected to really experience any of them. Tonight it feels like a checklist and he's completing the list.

Chills or fever, check. Clumsiness, check. Dizziness, check. Increased thirst, check check check. Mental depression, rapidly changing moods, the fucking shakes, the exhaustion. He tosses the paper to the side and buries his hands in his hair instead, head tilting down as he squeezes his eyes shut, the frustration feeling overwhelming. It was a bad idea from the beginning he knows that now-with a history of drug use that got conveniently left out of the conversation when they were first placed in front of him, never thinking of it as anything more than a few good times from his teens until he felt the burden of a familiar reliance starting to take over his restraint. There's some comfort in knowing he's still got his wits about him, enough that he can think about it rationally even as the pressure weighs on him, and that has to mean it isn't that bad. He can talk to a doctor about it-tell him he doesn't want to take them, that he isn't comfortable with them anymore-but as he tries to plan out the conversation in his fuzzy brain, his thoughts slip into what happens when he stops. What happens when he oversleeps or can't keep his head up during training? What happens when he trades the chemical alertness for the same exhaustion without a solution? He can't. Not yet. Not until he's placed somewhere more permanent with a normal amount of responsibility.

Last week's tarot prompt was about burnout and the vulnerability that comes from people taking advantage of your impulse, and whether it stems from spontaneity or recklessness.

So I wrote Davey and looked at part of what happens with Price 🥰

#cxllectiveprompts #cxndycxllective #angelxreaper #CoDOC

The dtiys is still going! If you liked the gijinka and want to draw some give it a shot ;D

Dragon Age OC Question of the Day

#daOCqotd

Some of yesterday's answers got me wondering...

How does your OC feel about Solas?

Lae'zel abhors it when Arilda uses faerun swears, thus she has resorted to using words like "fudgin, dabby, or astarion."

#tavqotd

Got two and a half chibis done today!
I’ll probably stream more in a day or so to draw the rest!

Thank you for hanging out!

#TavQOTD

What's your Tav/Durge's view on swearing?

"Kith damn you too Avernus and have Barbed Devils be birthed from your dirt stained ass hole!" She loves to swear and usually is much more sexual about it.

side note, my favorite swear is cuntbubbles...cause it makes people pause lol

#tavqotd What is something your Tav /Durge excels at?

Almost everything! Look at those skills! But seriously, it's scouting forward, getting the lay of the situation and then coming back and coming up with a plan. It's what she was specifically trained to do.

Pierrot Troupe - Enamel pins A set of Pierrot themed clowns as enamel pins across the rainbow spectrum of colors for a soft subtle pride nod.

www.backerkit.com/c/projects/a...

We’re getting closer to the goal! #pride #clowns

9 games that made me who I am
Technology no worky for me so

Final Fantasy 1 and 6
Faxanadu
Dynasty warriors 3
Natural Selection
Doom (og)
Baldur's Gate 3
Perfect World International
Nobunaga's Ambition
Romance of the 3 Kingdoms

The last 2 taught me to love history

9 games that make/made me who I am 🐸

This was so hard to choose, and none of these are in any sort of order, there were several games I wanted to include, but these 9 deserve to be here, all games I played obsessively and adored.

Source: my9games.com

#varka x #nicolereeyn
read it on AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/80998511
www.tumblr.com/scarletwrite...
#varcole #genshinimpact #fanfiction

It’s not worth it lmfao

#anaxa x #blade
read it on AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/80992066
www.tumblr.com/scarletwrite...
#bladenaxa #fanfiction #honkaistarrail

Members of the Iranian Women’s soccer team have escaped their handlers and are now requesting asylum.

I'm more than happy for my tax money to go towards letting them stay here. Heck, I even have a spare room to volunteer.

#LetThemStay
#AusPol

Just two?

don’t ever lose sight of what’s important in life (the two fictional characters in your mind that keep you going)

Xo and Thancred lately. I’m hopeless over them.

I like to think I portray Arilda's anxiety and ptsd well.

A large part of her voice and behavior is due to the conditions she picked up in childhood as well as very likely being on the spectrum. I think I do a good job of keeping her realistic even with her eccentric ways

#tavqotd

Both my mom and me, we feel this all the time too and are right there with you. 🫂🫂🫂

Genuinely the only ads I saw from Allred during his campaign were apology videos conceding to Republican framing. Relatively speaking, this is a breath of fresh air. It’s worth noting that if polling is to be believed the lack of a defensive crouch seems to be working much better too.

It’s not as good as a full throated endorsement of trans rights but it’s a whole lot better than the crap Newsom is spouting and I’m willing to concede it might be necessary in Texas

It was volleyball at San José State and some so-called Christian teammate parents pushed some teammates into a complaint. #StopTransHate

Yeah, weren't there like... ten total, or thereabouts?

the number of trans women playing college sports is deemed too small a sample to provide for a reasonably designed scientific test of abilities
Trans people make up 1-2% of the population of the United States; however, trans people are less than 0.002% of US college athletes.

"we are focused on the wrong 1 percent" absolutely cooking

goddamn is this a breath of fresh air after Allred 2024

It really does 💀

Interest check open graphic for HSR Worm Zine depicting Dan Heng, March 7th, and Trailblazer as worms-on-a-string. IC open from March 7 - March 25.

🪱 Interest Check Open! 🪱

The cutest worm-on-a-string in the galaxy has arrived!! That's right! It's your birthday girl, March 7th, here with Trailblazer and Dan Heng too~

Make March 7th's day by filling out the interest check for HSR Worm Zine!

✨ forms.gle/3cBNoppcuLWM...

📒🦋 | #hsr #zinepromo

Oh it turned into a migraine, so I guess we were both right 💀 Thanks though, I’m trying to feel better. 🫂