V

damn i wish i could throw myself against something sharp repeatedly right now

IMPOTENT BOREDOM. DEATH OF CREATION. POINTLESSNESS. WHINING. THE FUCKING COMA OF SPRING.

how quickly and fleetingly calm passes by. a sense of satisfaction, relief, carried away by the slightest raw breeze of boredom or nameless unease like a bent feather. weightless, a simulcrum of flight. calamus, rachis, vane, barbs, all out of reach, from one breath to the next. nestless.

in the end, it's maybe the most sense anything in my confusing existence has ever made. I can't shut up about him because I still can't believe how it can work so well. there's such deep peace in his presence that I never thought I, a chaotic beast, would ever find. trust and truth. 🫀

It took three months for me to let us label it dating, six months for me to stop being so scared, at least a year to fully trust it was lasting. it felt like a gamble, that night on 3/6/22, but it also felt inevitable, a prediction of stars coming into alignment based on the math of the planets.

he made my cold heart laugh, he made my iron shell dissolve, he made my body shiver and yearn, he tended my wounds, he made me feel worshipped. he coaxed me into trust and believing that he might really want me as I am and that he might really be able to commit to me the way I desperately needed.

for someone who paints with words, I find myself a little speechless at the realization that it's been four years with Oak as of today. at the beginning, I was so convinced I could never feel safe doing this, that I could never soften enough to love him the way he deserved. but then

'kys kys kys' bitch I know

ughhhhh just put me back in the fucking dirt

NEED everyone to observe V's version of No Children recorded for the last Sandlerverse episode (for now) GIRLLLL

want to succumb to the frostbite
of the minute hand
of the ice clock
of the cloud prison
of the thought war
of the rising static
of the darkness at
the end of the hall
of the empty den
of the wind chapped fist
of the last words
of the bitter vow
of the death wish at
the golden gate
of tomorrow

drifting face down in a current of night terrors, I'm
a bit of Halloween plastic
for the great pacific garbage patch to
inhale. unlike my lungs,
zip-tied and rigor mortised in
the curious cage of
my ribs,
and my tongue, swollen and
silent, a bruised fig. cast
your rope out to me: let it drown
too

got those depressed brain bees

growth through a
paper cut
splitting the sheath
of a needle
through cobweb skin;
first blood,
then a clouded billow of
creation, a shimmer of
iridescent violet that
can't quite be called light,
but all the same,
murmurs the path
more clear
?

HELLO?? WHAT THE FUCK?? we're gonna be late getting started

support my sacrifice by tuning in

sister shit

ah yes the period of time where I enter the 23/7 depression slumber

And some pics from 2023 to make the point

I mean come the fuck on lol

I may look happy to be with him here (and i was) but I was also trying not to have a panic attack at how vile the energy on the haunted abandoned naval base island was LMFAO

Rip to that guy

If you can't get blood miso soup will suffice

Killing @skaterhimbo.bsky.social with my mind

bestie made a graphic based off this and it's awesome??

you wish

stop trying to steal my identity