Arbie Fenchurch

Normalise not getting on public transport if you have a stinking cold 😷

I just realised what an absolutely awful weekend it must have been for Macaulay Culkin and I don't know what to do with that

The Now TV App playing you two minutes of adverts before telling you that you can't watch a programme while using a VPN is peak c**ty capitalism

Has anyone else noticed that Plur1bus is just Sense8 in reverse...

...oooh look, both have numbers in their name too

I found myself saying this sentence earlier

'Mum, you can't recycle string...

...or yoghurt'

I have a very important question for the hive mind:

Apart from blood and cream, is there anything else that clots?

Oooh shiny 😊

How old were you when you first realised you were homophobic?

Went to see Liminanas last night. Fantastic walls of sound. I was somewhat distracted by the lively guitarist in a leopard print jacket who bore a striking resemblance to Bernie Clifton though 🤣

I need to be able to teleport like Timothy Claypole please

*stuff

This got me wondering, can you inherit specific ADHD brain subroutines from your parents?

So I was talking about spoonerism with my mum earlier and she told me how she and my dad used to spoonerise stiff all the time. He came home one day and announced that the spoonerising had to stop.
He'd gone to a bar and ordered a pint of Whitbread Tankard! 🤣

I sometimes hate the ADHD part of my brain that automatically tries to spoonerise anything it comes into contact with...

...just been for a flu jab and now I have a phrase running around in my head that's both anti-semitic and fat shaming

A box of pork faggots, yes these really are a thing

So I had pork slurs for dinner last night

The USA needs Gunk on Troll

So I'm considering some middle names for when I get a deed poll.
Mildred is high on the list, simply because I can answer enquiries as to why I've chosen it with 'because I have a morbid fear of flour'.

I may regret this if I ever develop a gluten intolerance

Works of fiction that have been mistaken for playbooks:

The Rock
The Handmaid's Tale
Idiocracy
Passport to Pimlico

I'm not quite sure which is the worst

A 53 year old trans femme looking into the camera and wondering what frickin' witchcraft is making them look younger

I'm finding it easier to look in the mirror each and every day

Fuck it, how about we call it the Gulf of Cuba? 🤪

I'd strongly suggest staying up to date, but controlling when you consume the news and from which outlets.

PSA if you use a work computer with that nasty widget thingy that tells you all of the shitty things that are going on in the world. You can preserve your mental health by switching it off.

Right click on the taskbar and choose Taskbar Settings.
Switch off Widgets

What the fuck even is Legitimate Interest anyway?

arbiefenchurch.substack.com/p/sausage-tr...

arbiefenchurch.substack.com/p/sausage-tr...

Home | Substack Discover and discuss great writing with the world’s smartest readers on Substack.

So, I done started a Substack to blither about music I like:

arbiefenchurch.substack.com/p/where-do-i...

Just a thought - based on how some folk love certain 'brands'. Do you think there's a market for a fragrance called Trump Musk?

Ah heck, I'm heading out to the store then. Anything you need? 🍩

Ooh, are there donuts in the kitchen?

An hour of stabby stabby pluck pluck today. Because I'm worth it