kyuu 🍊

I really don't want anything anymore.

I don't need to be happy. I wanna just be content.

I'm content with not being a burden.

I wanna believe that there's a sunny world out there waiting for me.

But I really don't have much fight left in me.

I just want to sleep forever.

No amount of medication can mask my sorrow. No amount of cigarettes can take away the pain. No amount of therapy can fix my shit!

It's all too expensive, I can't be a bother.

The next time I disappear, I should just keep quiet. I shouldn't whimper out a cry for help.

No one needs to see how pathetic I am. I need to keep the illusion. I have to maintain the optics my family has so very well taken care of.

Will anyone even notice?

Just having these thoughts is so fucking arrogant of me.

I should just shut up and go with the motions.

Keep trying to push myself to live the day-to-day. Keep convincing myself that I'm needed, that I'm helpful, that I matter somehow.

Show me the world where only I'm missing.

Would it be a better world? A happier world?

Everything I've done, everything I've affected.

Surely, it'd all be the same.

I'm no one's anchor.

I'm all an actor, I'm treated just like a prop.

Why even keep me? Why even decide to have me?

I'm just a stain on the "family name". I bring shame to his name.

I doubt I'll amount to anything given my current state.

Why am I still alive?

I haven't done anything. I can't do anything.

I haven't been happy since he died. I'll never be that happy again.

I was ignorant, I was oblivious, I was content.

I'm not talented. I have no skills. I'm socially awkward.

I have nothing going for me other than being "too kind" or "too understanding".

I was a mistake to begin with, I wasn't wanted from the start.

I don't have much to give to this world, but it sure does like to keep on taking.

Why do I bother?

I just wanna run and keep
on running.

Why do I care? Why do I love at all?

Who cares and who loves me?

I'm so tired.

"My" life, "my" whole existence hasn't even belonged to me for a second since I was born.

When will it be mine?

I'm losing it. It's all just for optics. My whole life is just for good looks and optics. LOL

I don't know what music to listen to. lol

I feel so empty. lol

I can't seriously be this pathetic, right..?

Crying over something silly like that...

Surprise, surprise! I still wanna end it all today. lol

Surprise, surprise! I wanna end it all today. lol

The thought of just XXX my neck keep popping into my head. It's been there all day.

I need help. lol

Should've jerked off before work to make the day less excruciatingly painful.

I wanna end it all. lol

I love Discommunication sooooo much. Ookumo-chan Flashback is also really good. He needs to write more...

Same!! Love his stuff forever.

Not a bad day at all!

Something Stupid (From "Better Call Saul") YouTube video by Lola Marsh - Topic

music.youtube.com/watch?v=F8dK...

Look to your left, look to your right.

Is there anyone there that can save me?

I don't know.

Can I save myself from this? Can I untangle all the wires?

Because the more I think about it, the more I feel that there's just a dozen of me in my head, all wanting different things. All wanting to go about it all a different way.

There's no harmony in my head. The music is fading.

I feel like I've lost touch with myself, with everything that's happened in the last 6 years. It all blends together, it's all a mess.

I'm living the life of different color paint mixed together on a wrinkly old sheet of paper. Just a greenish-brown mess. Not at all pleasing to look at.