도마도재배자

9 Jan 2022: feeling iconic today

12 Jan 2022: with such hubris did filmmakers see the release of dhoom 2 and think, “we should keep making films. we can do better than that.” such folly

12 Feb 2022: never forget that I can always identify timothy oliphant by voice and butt alone

17 Feb 2022:
UH……………….. HEY GUYS?

Wordle 243 1/6

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

22 Feb 2022: one thing about me is, you’re gonna like me but once you meet my family you’re gonna like them way better

8 Mar 2022: thinking about how all my friends are making medtwitters to help them with their residency searches and I’m just here shitposting about the mummy 1999 and my display name is “atreides nuts” lmfao

14 Mar 2022: I know I’m a smart person, but I’m also really, REALLY good at playing dumb, which I have discovered is because I’m also actually quite dumb

20 Mar 2022: the best disney princess song is “bet on it” from hsm2 and I will not be taking questions at this time

12 Apr 2022: *looks at the prices above the convenience store* this CAN’T be the same gasolina that daddy yankee told us que a ella le gusta

28 Apr 2022: my roommate and I just kind of independently of each other, without acknowledging it, started leaving a light on for each other whenever one of us goes to sleep and the other isn’t home yet 🥺🥺

29 Apr 2022:
august, eating salami sticks right next to my dog, who is very interested: no, Rufio, these are HUMAN dog treats

29 Apr 2022:
danny: what is a butte?

me: it’s like a mesa but shorter

danny: what’s a mesa?

me: it’s like a butte but longer

danny: i don’t like you

30 Apr 2022: fast food implies the existence of furious food

20 May 2022: “are there birds in texas?” —my friend, incredulously

11 Jun 2022: i’m just gonna say it, i don’t think people named brad are real

9 Jul 2022:
boromir: i don’t think my father, the steward of gondor, would be too pleased to hear about this

28 Jul 2022:
B: wait! I want to go into this baby store

me: we cant! if we go in you’ll want to buy something and J will kill me

[we go in]

B: [tremulous voice] wifey……..

me: oh no, what is it

B: [sobbing now] it’s a HAT

14 Aug 2022: I had a dream last night that I was a hippie and my name was Meadow. no one steal this. I have plans

18 Aug 2022: the moral of om shanti om is some people deserve to get gaslit

19 Aug 2022: me to the testing center man: but sir, these are my emotional support giant gold hoop earrings that say “JEFA”

10 Sep 2022: completely sick of legolas just standing outside at night and looking at the sky and saying cryptic shit. absolutely sick of it. arrest him

19 Sep 2022: to everyone i’ve ever made fun of for mistaking my dog for a coyote: I’m sorry. today at the very end of our hike there was a roadrunner on the trail and he chased it immediately

21 Sep 2022:
sami: omg sorry I interrupted you! What were you going to say?

me: I already forgot! Don’t worry though, it probably wasn’t anything of importance or substance

sami: yeah, no, I know

14 Oct 2022: everyone’s always like “chuck, I don’t want to date u” or “chuck, I don’t like u that way” but consider THIS: I just started a load of laundry and by the time it finished sensing I forgot I’d done it and when it started making noise I thought someone had broken into the house

25 Oct 2022:

26 Nov 2022: you know some good shit’s abt to go down when you’re watchin bluelock and a character suddenly looks like this

27 Nov 2022: told my friend that wednesday is my daughter and she said “does that make you catherine zeta jones?” how quaint of you. no. i am luis guzman

30 Nov 2022: the brave little toaster was a formative film for me and I mean that in the worst way

2022 favorite tw**ts:

2 Feb 2023: not ron weasley dying a sports anime death on the giant chess board