Daniel Gallegos

It sucks that it costs thirty dollars every time you want to leave the house

this is still the realest thing ever said about america

David Sims on today's Critical Darlings going "One Battle is the frontrunner! Is everyone going crazy?" lol

Goddamn, you're totally right

What if there was a guy named "Rivers Vasectomy"

to r/micropenis—Just Saw An Edward (guy with normal penis size) Fuck Up Trying To Flatten A Cardboard Box By The Dumpster...They Are So Lost

Here's a picture I took 7 years ago in Times Square

leaders like trump are why sun tzu had to write a bunch of advice like "don't write your enemy a letter detailing what tactics you really don't want them to do"

the moment in The Whale when brendan fraser succumbs to his temptations and just starts eating everything out of the fridge and cabinets (including wrappers, banana peels, shells, etc) while ominous music swells was the most that i’ve ever felt represented on screen

People are going to be insane when OBAA beats Sinners in Best Picture and Best Director. Gonna get levels of performative toxicity we haven't seen since like 2018, it's gonna be wild

Lookout, here comes my piss!

They should've called it "Scary Normal Activity" on account of the genre and content of those particular films. Imho

International Woming's Day

mfs walking around the white house like

It's so cool, it's like being stressed out because you're planning a really long party where everyone is going to be stressed out for 4 days

I feel normal and awesome and excited, and then will periodically look down at my phone and then cover my face with my hands and scream gutterally for a couple minutes, and then will go back to feeling cool and normal for another couple hours

Coolest guy you know is directing a movie and also constantly joking about self-harm, but in a charming and endearing way and not in a way that's worrying everyone around him 😉

Seriously uncanny

I love nirvanna the band

The guy from Hot Slick American New Year or whatever

*guy who thinks the actor's name is "Paul Rubb"*
Paul Rubb is really good in Ant-Man 2

A really good running joke in that movie Eternity, where Elizabeth Olsen's dead husband keeps mentioning he died in the war, and people keep telling him "chill out, it was Korea, not one of the important wars"

"I actually have a direct line to the angels of this realm in the form of two giant battle eagles."
"Cool, can you use them?"
"Hmm, later."
"Can I speak to them?"
"No"

I love the part in LOTR where Gandalf goes "hey guys, check out my horse. He's actually the KING of the horses. No he doesn't speak by the way, take my word for it"

She's been spending the last six months helping the furry polycule out with their farm. "They needed my help!"

Santos is going to be walking around that ER in a wolf fursuit throughout all of season 3

It's crazy how this season of The Pitt has literally been all of us waiting for them to get to the fireworks factory

Ted 2 Mama Tambien

D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘪

If The Black Eyed Peas came out today, APL.DE.AP would've probably had a stupid name like "Apple TV App"!