Clayton E. Chumbley

Every time someone reminds me that 5 million people still watch Survivor it feels like someone telling me Napoleon is still alive, actually. I watched it when it first got popular but in my mind it's a relic of the remote past. I think the last season of Survivor I watched, I was in middle school.

Fat free, 'cause white Jesus is RIPPED!

This is the one that got me! I've been hooked on comics ever since. Great stuff!!!

Buy Pop! Goofy 1963 at Funko. Check out our Pop! Goofy 1963 and more from Funko!

funko.com/pop-goofy-19...

I did not have this on my Bingo card of stuff I had to have, but this Super Goof Pop was too cool to pass up! I get mainly Superman Pops, but come on! Look at him! How great is this? #FunkoPop #SuperGoof

Canine eugenics tournament hailed as massive success A four-year-old clumber spaniel has won Best In Show at Crufts, the annual tournament for those with a strong interest in the practice of eugenics.

NEWS! Canine eugenics tournament hailed as massive success newsthump.com/2026/03/09/c...

Man who attacked Iran, bombed Venezuela, uses military on own people and threatened to invade Greenland still wants Nobel Peace Prize A man who recently attacked Iran, bombed Venezuela to capture its president, suggested using the military against his own citizens, and still occasionally threatens to invade Greenland has today co…

NEWS! Man who attacked Iran, bombed Venezuela, uses military on own people and threatened to invade Greenland still wants Nobel Peace Prize

Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check

Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check

Kim Jong Un Can’t Believe Daughter Already Executing Boys

Kim Jong Un Can’t Believe Daughter Already Executing Boys https://theonion.com/kim-jong-un-cant-believe-daughter-already-executing-boys/

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

ALT:

This is what made me fall in love with gaming. #TheLegendofZelda #Zelda40 #Zelda

FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie

FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie

Is it just me, or is anyone else irritated at the sound of the drones during the coverage of the skiing and sliding sports at the Winter Olympics this year? It’s kind of distracting. #drones #WintersOlympics #MilanoCortina2026

When you're so coked up and stupid you put the scope on backwards:

Trump Disappointed No One Killed In Ballroom Construction Process Yet

Trump Disappointed No One Killed In Ballroom Construction Process Yet https://theonion.com/trump-disappointed-no-one-killed-in-ballroom-construction-process-yet/

Catherine O’Hara, who starred in legendary films “Beetlejuice” and “Home Alone” before taking a star turn as Moira Rose on “Schitt’s Creek,” has died. She was 71. https://cnn.it/4t7OhRR

Many of us did this two years ago when it became obvious that the students could not intelligently discuss what they supposedly "wrote." My administrator was fully on board with the switch back! Incidentally, my students' reading performances started to improve, too.

As a high school English and Social Studies teacher, I struggle with this every day. I do my best to make kids better readers than they were when the first came to my classes. It has become my mission in life!

Founding members of Trump’s Peace Council finally revealed The world has no idea yet how much peace is coming its way: in Davos, Donald Trump officially revealed his controversial peace council. One thing stands out in particular: the choice of founding me…

NEWS! Founding members of Trump's Peace Council finally revealed newsthump.com/2026/01/23/f...

Man, I lived this as a kid! It felt bigger than anything I'd read before. Good times!

ICE celebrates going entire day without murdering innocent civilian The United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement are celebrating an incredible milestone, after managing to get through an entire day without gunning down any innocent civilians in the street.

NEWS! ICE celebrates going entire day without murdering innocent civilian newsthump.com/2026/01/08/i...

“Take the risk of thinking for yourself. Much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way.”

-Christopher Hitchens

My daughter has Influenza-A; my wife just tested positive for COVID. Good times.

Star BYU Player Suspended After Testing Positive For Coffee

Star BYU Player Suspended After Testing Positive For Coffee https://theonion.com/star-byu-player-suspended-after-testing-positive-for-coffee/

Duck Quacks Ass Off All Day To Come Home To This Shit

Duck Quacks Ass Off All Day To Come Home To This Shit https://theonion.com/duck-quacks-ass-off-all-day-to-come-home-to-this-shit-1851177872/

Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To Mars By Jesus Christ

Commentary: Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To Mars https://theonion.com/can-you-guys-come-pick-me-up-i-accidentally-returned-to-mars/

Crypto Leaders Call For Infusion Of 20 Million Dopes To Stabilize Market BOSTON—Stressing that the move would help keep digital currencies liquid through the coming year, crypto leaders called for an infusion of 20 million dopes Thursday to stabilize the market. “We’re cal...

Crypto Leaders Call For Infusion Of 20 Million Dopes To Stabilize Market

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else https://theonion.com/jd-vance-cries-in-bathroom-after-trump-uses-piggy-nickname-on-someone-else/

10th-Grade Prodigy Studying Mathematics At 10th-Grade Level

10th-Grade Prodigy Studying Mathematics At 10th-Grade Level https://theonion.com/10th-grade-prodigy-studying-mathematics-at-10th-grade-l-1819577209/