CEEFAUX

A hit in terms of the target audience #bonjour #tricolore #irregularverbs

Aww, thanks for thinking of us Kestrel :)

11.06 BAYEUXWATCH Mitch and the team have to deal with a crowd of violent Frenchman who have arrived on the beach. Meanwhile, CJ rushes to the aid of a man who has been struck in the eye with an arrow.

What an unusual time to schedule this one. Or is it?

16.00 FILM: ESCALATOR Modern remake of The 39 Steps.

We're back once gain (to be clear though NOT like a renegade master)

20.30 FILM: THE FAST & THE BI-CURIOUS Car chase/experimental romance, much like the original film it is based on to be honest.

Starring Vin Diesel, which means it's an extra £18 if you watch it inside the congestion charge zone.

22.00 FILM: SNICKERS MAN Updated remake of the 1976 Dustin Hoffman thriller.

There are people on this site too young to get this. Not you lot of course, you're all fine.

21.30 THE ORIFIC Fly-on-the-wall comedy series set inside a variety of body cavities.

"If you don't make it, Sky will"

Boing!! (with two exclamation marks). It's playing on the CEEFAUX Tannoy system right now.

It was an absolute banger in case you didn't know

www.youtube.com/watch?v=17Zf...

A joke? What are we? Funny? Funny How? You mean the 1991 indie classic single by Airhead? Probably not, that was a bit of a longshot (although if you do like Airhead then please let us know, as we've only met two other people who knew who they were, and one of them was in the original band).

LOOKIT! BARRY WAS OUR WINNER! WE REALLY DID GIVE AWAY AN MUG! Remember to wash before first use. The mug too, you should wash that as well. HURRAH FOR AN MUG!

09.00 QUICHE LORRAINE More gossip and lifestyle features with the genial Scot who reeks of ham, cheese and eggs and is best served with a crisp green salad.

Hurrah, we made it to Wednesday. Sadly, that means it's Wednesday.

Is that what you call it? Dirty boy.

We don't find this kind of innuendo fanny in any way.

22.00 FILM: FOR YOUR EYES ONLYFANTS Just £15 a month and you can watch me roger moore, while I show you my Octopussy, edge Christopher Walken off the Golden Gate Bridge, a take deep, deep interest in Christopher Lee's powerful weapon. Please note, for the Blofeld/Oddjob mash-up please speak to Sean.

Filth. Utter filth.

15.00 FILM: 1100101 DALMATIONS Binary version of the beloved Disney classic.

Go on, have another one. What do you mean you're full? Come on, you can have another CEEFAUX can't you? Look, it's only a little one, barely requires reading? Go on. Don't make us ask again. There are people in world who don't have access to CEEFAUX you know? Send it to them instead shall we? eh?

15.00 FILM: ALPHA BRVAO CHARLIE DELTA ECHO FOXTROT GOLF HOTEL INDIA JULIE KILO LIMA MIKE NOVEMBER OSCAR PAPA QUEBEC ROMEO SIERRA TANGO UNIFORM VICTORY WHISKY X-RAY YANKEE Prequel to the film Zulu.

Bear in mind that if you read this and thought "What a lot of reading for that gag" then we also had to type it out. So we are the real losers, alright?

21.00 FILM: SUPERINJUCTIONMAN xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx with Ryan Giggs.

18.50 THE INEDIBLE HULK Superhero action with scientist Bruce Banner who, when angered, turns into a giant green monster who simply cannot be eaten.

Super-Sunday

17.45 ONE DURRR WOMAN The adventures of the singularly idiotic female superhero. This week, where have you parked the invisible plane? You've forgotten? DURRRRRR!

Super-Saturday

22.45 MATCH OFF TODAY Mark Chapman presents highlights of all the postponed games in the Premier League.

With this new CEEFAUX you are really spoiling us Ambassador.

21.30 FILM OXXXO Vin Diesel stars as an extreme sports star drawn into the murky world of stock cubes and gravy.

We had a nice din-dins

22.00 FILM: 'SCREAM Cornish horror as they ask people from Devon "What's on top of your scone?"

Never mind this whole #scream7 nonsense, this is what keeps us awake at night

One thing that always makes us smile is when a new follower goes back through our old listings and likes a ton of them and we have to turn of the notifications for a bit. Just lovely. Thank you all - shares, likes and comments mean a lot to us, they really do :)

18.00 OPENHEIMMER ALL HOURS It's been a funny old day. I came up with the deadliest know weapon known to all mankind. I said to Granville that "Now I had bbbbbbbebbbbecome ddddddeath". There was an almighty bang and I thought that was the end. Turned out to be that damned till.

This one is blowing up.

21.00 FILM: FORREST GIMP Tom Hanks plays the submissive hero who goes by the motto "Mmmm mm mmmm m mmm mm mmmmmmm".

CEEFAUX's asleep

14.00 SPOTIFY THE DOG Where • is Spotify? Is he in the kennel? No. Is he under the bed? No. Is he • on the chair? No. Oh, there he is, look! He's behind an ever-increasing monthly fee and dubious artist reimbursement model. Clever boy.

Monday innit.

ITS OFFICIAL. With 129 likes in 24 hours, our #ceefauxviewerscompetition winner is @geospacedman.bsky.social - congratulations, and jubliations (whatever they are) our supply chain sourcing manager (Keith) will be touch about an mug! Thanks everyone again for taking part, we love you all!

Some great entries didn't make the final shortlist in our #ceefauxviewerscompetition - many had been done before including The Eh? Team, Love Ireland, To the Manor Bourne, and - of course - the many, many derivations of (Eammon/Sherlock) Homes under the (MC/West Ham) Hammer(s).

And that's all of our #ceefauxviewerscompetition shortlist - all 20. Thank you for all the entries, all the interactions and the envelope of £20 notes that one of the entrants posted under our door. We will be crunching all the numbers over the weekend and announcing the winner Sunday night!