Bret Plate 🍁💙📎

a close up of a dog 's face with flowers on it ALT: a close up of a dog 's face with flowers on it

This started my day with a big smile. Thank you!

We can only hope. I'm praying for a massive, Big Mac-driven heart attack.

The ONLY reason Hegseth has his job is because he promised Trump he was willing to use our own troops against the American people when he declares Martial Law.

That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Trump's personal assistant discovers President in Private Residence, trying to masturbate.

TRUMP: I thought it was a throttle.

Against combined Iranian Forces of 750,000? Pfft! Piece of cake.

FOR SALE:

D.C. theater. Available January 21, 2029. Needs work. Turn this fixer-upper into your dream performance center! Perfect opportunity for a Goldbeater in need of new gold source. Some scraping required.

Trump getting rid of Kennedy Center head because Grennell doesn't share Trump's "vision" for the remodel.

www.cnn.com/2026/03/13/p...

7/
DS: ...according to the President's EO.

L: And poisoning gay men, like poisoning pregnant Black women, would be okay?

DSC: Objection!

DS:

L: Thank you. I think we've covered everything.

6/
DS: ...and foxes and raccoons and weasels roamed the woods and bees pollinated each other in the summer...

L: ...and the flowers.

DS: ....Yes.

L: ...and moonbeams and fairies darted through the forests and night.

DS: Real fairies? Or...gay men? Because gay men would also be DEI...

5/

DS:

L: So, in this hypothetical, what should the film be about?

DS: In my opinion?

L: Whoever's opinion you'd like to provide.

DS: In *my* opinion, it would be a documentary about...the woods and fields.....before the town was founded...How...eagles patrolled the skies...

4/
L: The...color of the fetus? You mean race?

DS: Yes. If the documentary...focused on Black women pregnant with female fetuses...that would be DEI, according to the EO.

L: What if the town itself was primarily populated by Blacks? And that's is the reason the company dumped chemicals there?

3/

L: But you have an opinion, right?

DS: I guess it would depend on...

L: We're growing liver spots waiting for your answer.

DS: ...the...sex...of the unborn child.

COUNSEL: Objection!

L: Wait! What? Could you eleborate?

DS: The sex. And also the color.

2/
DS: I believe the fetus fruit is only grown in the Phillipines.

L: Fetus...the thing that grows in Mommy's tummy. Is a gestating child threatened with serious birth defects by a toxic chemical...would that be DEI?

DS: I...I would refer you to the EO. Which I don't recall what it says.

1/
LATER ON THEY HAD THIS EXCHANGE:

LAWYER: So let's say a Nevada town's water supply was threatened by toxic chemicals dumped in the ground by, we'll say, a mining company.

DOGE STAFFER: Okay.

L: Would you say a documentary about how exposure to those chemicals threatened fetuses was DEI?

🤣🤣🤣
Only one to go!

I can probably save you a little money with this bug:

a) it's a virus.
b) they gave me anti-biotics thinking it might be walking pneumonia. It wasn't.
c) they gave me anti-biotics anyway. Did nothing
d) Musinex seemed to help...a little
e) that "just came from a 1 hr. abs class" feeling will pass

Oh, god, I'm so sorry to hear that. I went through a period w/out after my first business collapsed. Obama care was the best thing that happened to me. I was able to get back on it. Saved me. Effing Orange Cheeto and his little troll in the House. They will burn in Hell for 1000s of years.

I got that bug that swept all over the world two years ago. No symptoms other than heavy chest congestion and constant, brutal coughing. This is like a mini-version of that. It took me four months+ to get over that, and I think it did some permanent damage to my lungs.

This one's a 🍰. U'll get thru

But hope yours doesn't last 8 weeks!

Well, maybe it's a separate bug and I just got "lucky." But judging from the responses...and the people where I live who've had it...it seems to be everywhere. I can't complain. It's only the 2nd time I've been sick in the past 20 years. It was my turn in the bucket.

3/
Done like a Mastercard commercial:

Getting drunk & fathering a child with a girl whose name your forgot the next morning: $30

An attorney to fight paternity charges: $8000

Raising a child who hates you b/c you didn't marry Mommy: $500,000

Retiring under an overpass: Priceless

2/
...getting to stay home from work to tend to your sick child, trips to the ER, summer "vacations" to the Grand Canyon, buying their first car...paying for the car insurance...taking that $5000 trip to colleges back east [if your child stays in school, of course]...

1/
I just had an idea. The DNC should launch a TV ad campaign supporting a ban on abortion by enumerating the many joys the [unwed] father gets to "enjoy" from an unwanted pregnancy - dinners out, clothing, medicines, bikes at Christmas, sports equipment, shoes...

That is the [very secret] reason AI was invented.

It seems to be going around this year. If you have the same course as I did....you only have five more weeks of it.

(Sorry to be the bearer of [possible] bad news. 🤢)

Did you just have the flu? Chest congestion and cough is a strange little "dessert", courtesy this year's flu. I'm finally 99% - nearly two months after my one week bout with the flu.

This could be his life motto.

To quote Amy Gardner to Josh Lyman in the West Wing:

"For you, maybe not so much the talking."

...who are also in the armaments industry. Which, now, 52% doesn't seem so hot.

And just wait until gas is $7/gal. and farmers can't get nitrogen to fertilize their spring plantings.