I love the smell of bacon in the morning . . . and in the afternoon . . . and in the evening . . . and at midnight . . .
11.03.2026 11:25
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I love the smell of bacon in the morning . . . and in the afternoon . . . and in the evening . . . and at midnight . . .
Humanity will be happy in our holodeck coffins, just make sure the holograms are good at mouth stuff wait what
we put this man in the ground today. I'm broken hearted and flailing for comfort. tell your people you love them
sometimes you just gotta laugh through all the stupidity around you
Body: we’re a morning person now
Brain: the fuck we are
Todays theme: oh fuuuuuuuck.
I like to play this game called Everything is shit yet smile in denial.
Let’s get one thing straight: We are not a Christian nation. We are a nation where you are free to be a Christian.
Your religion guides you, not all of us. It’s as simple as that.
Alright… stay with me a min.
Late ’70s. A song cut. About the singer’s man only coming ‘round when it suits him. Nothing special.
But club DJs start flipping the wax over.
And women on the floor?
They start singing it back… louder than the speakers.
Sometimes the B-side becomes the sermon.
few things are more shattering than looking around for your cup of coffee only to remember that you've already finished it
BYOB..bring your own back scratcher.
When’s the artist who’s designing my life gonna finish this work in progress
when the edible hits and you try to play it cool
If you think gas is expensive now, just wait til tomorrow… and the next day, and the next day…
I made focaccia for the first time ever tonight. And I think my meal is gonna get me laid.
It’ll be self service but my point is my bread was good.
spring ahead, motherfucker
Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars
Here in my car
I can only receive
I can listen to you
It keeps me stable for days
In cars
Tbh the only person i told I was skipping town was my doctor
If falling down when trying to put on my pants is a sign of how this day will progress, I should go back to bed now.
In all the lessons in school about drugs and peer pressure, they never taught us about Girl Scout Cookie time.
Ground control to how's your mom?
I'd be lucky if I was able to rock someone like a mild tropical depression.
I know I'm old now because when someone asks how I'm doing I tell them the truth without mercy
War is small dick energy
on international women’s day we should be able to kick two men in the balls with no questions asked
I can’t believe they have an entire Clinic just for studying Mayo.
I remember about 20 years ago, talking on the phone with my best friend for hours about nothing.... that sounds like a for real nightmare now.
daylight saving private ryan
quit smoking weed last week and just realized that “remembering shit” isn’t a superpower
Home from the supermarket eating peanut butter pretzels in bed as the good lord intended