@killthethingyouluv
Your favorite mentally ill poet/artist/musician. Nonbinary. Spoused. Cat parent. Professional raconteur and misanthrope. I'm on substack: https://tedjackins.substack.com/ Find me on Instagram: @mount_mourn Books available on Amazon!
Mine was a decent enough artist and writer but had massive delusions of grandeur. She was typical narcissist who had to control everything and everyone and couldn't stand for me to especially be getting any attention because that drew me away from her control.
I understand! I am the same way with any art or entertainment I like. Hap and Leonard is crime fiction with touches of supernatural and other things. I love all of Lansdale's books because they're super dark but also really, really funny. Mr. Bear is a story about Smokey The Bear committing arson.
Coming to HBO this Fall,
Ted Jackins: Gettin' Kirked Live In Concert.
Reread David Foster Wallace in psych and this description of suicidal ideation is apt. He likened to a person leaping from a burning building. It's not that they no longer fear the fall it's just that the alternative is so awful they have picked the lesser of the two.
I mean I haven't gone on vacation since 2019 so...
I say instead of immigrants we just deport all the white people. Starting with me.
My father in law, summarized.
I wonder what it says about me and the way my brain is wired but I can read an experimental fiction book in a sitting. Meanwhile conventional fiction can take weeks. Experimental writing just makes sense to my brain. It's the same part of me that likes puzzles.
My favorite book series (Hap and Leonard) is ending next year as well and it's bittersweet but the guy who writes it Joe R. Lansdale isn't getting any younger so I understand. As a queer person I love how in depth and well rounded he writes Leonard, a gay black man in the south.
A-fucking-men.
Guess what liberals?!
No plan in place. No working on songs unless we feel like that. Not trying to start a band. Just set up and play whatever comes out.
Thinking of reaching out to local peeps like Samuel Fox and others to begin hosting porch jams. Get used to being around people again plus play music with no real plan in place.
Cool thing about my roomie at the hospital is his favorite movie was the anime Perfect Blue. We found lots to talk about.
I feel like every writing opportunity I get kind of hinges on having been in this anthology which features my first person account of my suicide attempt and getting sober. Afterwards I got way more offers.
www.amazon.com/Too-Much-Exc...
How Topamax cured my ADHD by Dr. Ted Jackins.
My first place upon moving out I lived with a guy who made beats for local rappers which lead me to try my hand at writing rhymes. This is as far as I got.
He was part of that faction,
kept his stash under that mattress
and his mistress
was more waitress than actress.
My abuser was the one who encouraged me to try publishing but then she got jealous of all the attention that landed me. You can't win with a narcissist.
A random thing I discovered is I can do a spot on impression of the crazy inflatable man you see in front of used car dealerships.
Figure this one out. She was the first one to urge me to publish but once I started getting all these offers overnight she got mega jealous she wasn't getting them too. Well, you kind of have to submit your work for that, my dude.
Yes, it's definitely true of all my real friends. I knew the friends I just made in psych were real friends too because it's like you're already in the hospital so why mask at all? It was like the sharing scar stories in jaws except with trauma.
May our abusers be out there somewhere right now having a horrible time.
People find out I have stayed sober sixteen years from alcohol and ask what keeps me going and honestly walking passed an open bar on a Saturday night listening to the arguing couples breaking up for the seventh time of the week. I just shake my head and go "Oh yeah, that's why."
Best thing I ever saw was this day in hs my friend who studied theology in college grabbed his notated bible and went toe to toe with a street preacher using bible verses to prove him wrong. It was incredible. I have a short straw for jesus freaks.
![Sir Douglas Quintet - "Mendocino" [Live From Austin, TX]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:mtmfvjtc2bl45sczo72c2jfa/bafkreialgtkktfe37xoxhu6ovv2p2j3utufhbysfoxnmhmnvnrnauuqrkm)
RIP vox continental organ wizard Augie Meyers.
youtu.be/epc1hDkbfLM?...
I understand, the beat poets were why I got into poetry and my abuser came into my life and tore all that down. It took me a long time to get to where I could enjoy these things without feeling guilt again which made me feel so silly. Trauma is weird.
Thinking of writing an essay about how you can tell the quality of a town by the quality of the smut in it's little free libraries. Didn't you guys watch that Al Gore documentary? We need to be more concerned with the quality of our smut!
