09.03.2026 14:09
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I'm not going to say the 90s were perfect, only to point out that someone could write a pop song that was almost literally "I want to fuck this actor from TV" and it would be a HIT. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wijp...
Trying to decide if there’s anything more annoying than “you left items in your cart” emails. Employees in stores don’t follow me around saying, “Hey, man, you were really eyeing those refried beans for a while, sure you don’t want me to grab ‘em for ya?”
(Beartato and Reginald, in a museum, gaze upon the Mona Lisa) BEARTATO: There it is. The Mona Lisa. The most famous painting in history. REGINALD: Wow! What's it do? BEARTATO: It... what? REGINALD: Why's it famous? What's it do? (Beartato thinks.) BEARTATO: I don't know. REGINALD (to nearly museum employee): Excuse me! Sir? What's it do? EMPLOYEE: You're the first person to ask! Watch this! (The employee yanks a pull-string. Mona Lisa's eyes spin around and her mouth opens like a puppet) MONA LISA: Honk honk! Honk honk! (Everyone is delighted. This is true art.)
True Art
"We only imagined 8."
This is the influencer letter I wrote as part of the marketing campaign for I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. My editor called it "insulting in a captivating way."
Hear me out: a cake you jump into.
Season 3 of peopleWatching is finally rolling out on youtube-- watch episode 1 now! My #1 artistic advice is "make what you wish existed," so here's the kind of show i wish existed, which now, in fact, exists, thanks to endless work from many great people-- see it here:
youtu.be/_ZcVG2CSC0U?...
There are possibly worse things to be caught doing on Zoom but not for me personally.
Took a zoom group class last night and thought I was so polite turning the camera off while I was eating, not realizing I’d left the *mic* on, which I believe is Worse?
The Custom Oregon Plate CRYING was previously assigned, but is now available for reservation. https://dmv2u.oregon.gov/eServices/?link=custom #Oregon #LicensePlate #VanityPlate #OregonPlates #CustomPlate #CRYING
"I know it's not this, but: Michael Television?"
^Me trying to remember the name of the actor who voiced Garfield.
now that the show has been out for a few days I'm gonna tell y'all about my writing staff and how great they are you're gonna sit there and like it.
This is the funniest show I've watched since whatever year 30 Rock went off the air.
Finally tonight who says opposites can’t attract: meet the adorable cat and dog pair with one thing in common: they both appeared sad when eaten by that wolf. Coming up after the break.
Talked about these weird AI fitness scam ads that I've seen ten thousand times for my unwatchable podcast. www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8zZ...
Every single podcast I listen to mentioned Clavicular last week I'm not taking the bait I will not learn who this is there are too many types of guy.
Animorphs ass
"Bring ye news from the river?" the stoat asked holding his cane and hat. "Still babbling" I responded. This caused immediate unease and panic in the tavern, all creatures large and small started mumbling and making plans. I realised I was thinking of the brook, but didn't want to seem a fool.
i think this thing i love most about the internet is how normal it is
You’re A Cyborg, Charlie Brown
I accidentally pre-ordered three copies and the other two immediately got snatched up by family based on title alone; all three of us read instantly and we all love. BUY! bookshop.org/p/books/i-wi...
Me personally I'd do my Olympics skating routine to the Goosebumps theme. www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYYE...
Reddit is amazing sometimes.
And this is how it ends, Every. FUCKING. Year.
each night I take my brain out of its box (my head) and place it in a jar and give the jar a kiss and say “help” and that’s how I go to sleep. I’m not joking that’s what I do. I don’t like it
Evening News Anchor Voice: And finally in some lighter news, we meet the little girl who brought her whole town together by making her own Hunger Games. That’s when we come back.
Was working on an outraged think piece until "big pile of shrimp" pulled me back from the edge.
"so what's your take?"
"leave me alone"
