Steady the squirrel

I’m like a bird, I’ll tweet a lot today
I don’t know where my phone is
I don’t know who Ethan Frome is
And baby all I need for you to know is:

a man in a suit and bow tie has david worren written on his collar Alt: Jonah hill doing the “stop what you’re saying” gesture (hand in cutting motion toward neck) while shaking his head

When someone uses the wrong classic Simpsons reference in the thread

She’s either beaten Jeanne Calment or is getting close

🤝🐿️

bring back hunter green cars with gold accents

Euthanasia Sherman Meade

Steadack P. Squirrel for Bluesky CEO

“He Can’t Make It Much Worse”

elephants think they're so damn cool with their long arm that's a nose. and, worst of all, they're correct, it IS cool

a man in a yellow shirt is sitting in a chair pointing at something Alt: GIF of actor Leonardo DiCaprio as fictional actor Rick Dalton in the movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019). He’s in a recliner with his feet up and beer in hand. He suddenly leans forward, snapping and pointing at his TV in recognition.

When the Shakespeare movie gets to the lines you recognize

“That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would these Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns…”

Exoplanets are real but scientists make all their features up. “It has supersonic winds!” Okay, Derek. Sure.

The giant in Jack and the Beanstalk says he’ll grind an Englishman’s bones to make bread, but I wonder, are the rest of the ingredients normal?

My dad, who rarely drinks these days, bought a bottle of champagne for when “it” happens…

Glad Wikipedia seems to be cutting out that ‘clockwise from top’ nonsense for the header pictures of war articles

I do four of these every day

-A man has a butler and a lady has a maid
-Every plot development is front-page news

Text saying "You've read your last free article."

Jacked action hero with goon in headlock, in raspy yet firm voice:

Gen Alpha will turn out to be really nice and will thus be renamed conGENials

Protestant church attached to a Catholic school

Is today International Women’s Day? I hadn’t noticed, because I celebrate women every day.

Also I haven’t really checked my calendar this week

They're playing mathcore at my grandma's funeral

Diversify thy portfolio, knave!

Oh, boy.

A panel drawn in the style of The Far Side: a bear looks down at a caveman wearing a bear pelt who says "Well, one of us is gonna have to change."

With apologies to Mr Larson
#art #fanart #thefarside

@mrfox.bsky.social your reply to your tweet inspired me. Gracias mi amigo

Discover tab? How about you discover a way to pay your tab.

Drunk loser. You make me sick.

How can I best not support you today?

Phone turned “xth” into “Cthulhu”. Should I be worried?

Earth: now with more old people!

Good luck on the projects!