Danny Pee

I’ve never been diagnosed ADHD, but whenever my daughter flips on the tv and all of a sudden her reading comprehension ratchets up, its a familiar feeling

I think I'm done watching Ryan Murphy manifest his spank bank

If its a bald Zappa you see, Ahmet it be
Curly Zappa at night? Dweezil is your delight

Easter Seals? More like Easter Steals when I take that little bus for a joyride woooooweeeeee

A kids movie about a beer that believes in itself called “The Tallest Boy”

Today’s song stuck: Running Up That Hill
Accent im singing with: Russian

Another litmus test for intelligence is seeing how many people thought Jane Goodall worked with Harambe

Putting away my kids inflatable pool helps me realize even if i WANTED to skydive, i would never even pass the part where you pack your own parachute

I always save rotisserie chicken elastics so I can style my daughter's hair with em

Getting diarrhea in the midst of a weight loss journey is just god’s way of saying “keep up the great work”

I am no longer stealing Disney+ from my brother

Sometimes i wonder what the asbestos snow from the wizard of oz would taste like if you caught one on your tongue

You dont know my kids. You dont know their needs. So if you see me in public reciting Richard Lewis’s lines from “Robin Hood: Men In Tights” to them, just keep walking.

I want to have a restaurant where after the bread course is done, there are really enthusiastic waiters who say they’ll pack it for home but then lose track of it and then after you leave the waiter remembers and drives it to your house and the restaurant would be called “Forgot Ya Focaccia!”

Brian Pepper’s Jack Cheese. Your eyes will bug out over this Ohio classic.

a pop up just told me "have a great week" with no other information to share and i audibly said "shut up" in an empty room

Trying to microdose stress, but I end up snorting the whole vial

For a band called Rush, some of these songs take their sweet fuckin time huh

Regardless of religious beliefs, I think we all can agree when you bang your thumb with a hammer, we should be allowed to curse the name of a 2000 year old carpenter through our gritted, shitty teeth.

I yearn for simpler times when Andrew Zimmern told me which bizarre foods had the texture of “pharmaceutical jelly”

Rudy Giuliani currently in a Manchester hospital. His hair dye melted in his eyes while he was driving and then he farted and broke his back. Prayers up. Hope you get better so you can pay off that defamation lawsuit

That panic at the disco song about closing the goddamn door was made for dads

Taylor Swift got engaged and it caused Donald Trump’s colon to rupture (the location of his black heart). 🪦

kinda crazy that crisper is editing the human genome but all mine can do is make floppy celery after a few days

I was a bit of a "new world screwworm" myself back in the day

Lost my crip bandanna in the Atlantic Ocean. Somewhere a mermaid is c-walkin

Ok mom, you were right about Snoop Dogg

K Pop Demon Hunters is the top movie on Netflix right now. I hope in the sequel these Korean pop stars hunt the real demons: the politicians that continue to protect a cabal of sex traffickers

Im not from Fresh City, but I wrap a lot

you got a face for an audio only podcast