SBS

I have watched this approximately 47 times and laughed out loud 47 times

And instead of wallowing in that, I decided to duplicate and tweak a custom VRC model of mine to also work for 🟦

Felt really nice getting to do something for him for once. I never get to do anything for him, not really, and I know that made him happy

Haven't really been all here since yesterday. Not in a dissociation way, but a checked out, giving up, and going with the flow way

Internally I've completely accepted that everything's lost, but I'm still committing to my promises - which thankfully all involve still finishing what I set out to do

Plural folks 🤝 genderfluid people
Wanting the ability to shapeshift

If I'm in this for the long haul, is this what it's going to be every step of the way? Every time I fight to become self-sufficient? Is my fate really to be like that one guy who had everything he loved ripped from him as a test of faith? Do I at least get to know what even wants that from me?

I wish I was used to this enough for it to stop hurting when it inevitably happens again. I wish more people would believe me when I tell them how bad it is. I wish people would stop thinking I'm exaggerating. I wish this torment would just fucking stop already

I'm so used to this. I wish it'd stop making me so upset at this point. I wish it would just stop. Isn't 20 years of this enough? It's genuine torture for this to keep being how things go unless I COMPLETELY seclude myself. That's fucked up

It was a nice dream while it lasted, feeling like the pattern that always persists would not happen this time

Just means we do what I - we - always have: Brace for the fallout route of the plan, prepare like it's gonna happen, cause it likely is, and pray I'm pleasantly surprised instead
#vent

Yo if you don't mind me asking, was it difficult to upkeep? What was the end result for doing that for a month?

I've been considering going vegan for a month or two, but have never met someone who's done it for a short while compared to years of their life

Yo thanks! Its been tiring but really exciting. And yo depending on how far back you're talking, there's some really rad stuff that's been added to VR both in VR games that're now around and VRchat, if that's your bag. Absolutely worth poking around

I feel this so much. 🟫 was a character I've roleplayed as for some time, picked it up again recently, and after that and a deeply harmful situation happened at the same time suddenly he's a full person and resident and we're BOTH confused

I expanded a bit on this meme

Maybe one day I'll share with a few who I am behind this comfortable mask of mine, but I need somewhere I can be totally open about this stuff

Also, I'm sorry I keep talking about streaming stuff on here and then not saying where anyone can find me or what I do or anything

I'm not really out as a system. It's more of a "If you catch my hints, you know" kind of thing outside of here

I'm excited, but dude, I'm fuckin wiped. And not even from this stuff Just from life
Just kinda hits me sometimes

At least the new stuff is cool. Finally getting to release merch that got sat on for a while. That's gonna be sick as fuck. And a lot of other cool shit like a 3D model made from scratch and trackers and shit and everything works smooth as silk

It's starting to feel like there's a growing weight on my back and I need to just rest for some time

Maybe I should take next week off. Guess I'll have to see, based on what my manager says with releasing the new stuff and all that

I'm still waking up and my first thought seeing this was "Isn't that just being vegetarian?"

A shame he forgot why I snapped at him as hard as I did that night. It's the only time I did

Guess Bud Light took the hit and now that it's out of his system, so is the memory

I hate talking to Bud Light

I think it's cute that my boy calls me a bear not because of body hair, because I'm not that hairy, but because of what happened when I took testosterone for about a month or two

Body hair's supposed to come later. It came immediately
I'd be a bear if I just actually took my T gel

I'm going through a horrendous clash of being myself and my family having a sudden language barrier between us, calling me terrible, and one of the only people who would get this exact problem isn't fucking here cause his chud of a doctor failed him in the most basic of areas that cost him his life

"Stealing??" STREAMING. STREAMING spaces
Jfc autocorrect

I had to slam my foot down on boundaries and start cutting people off lately, which is REALLY HARD to do in stealing spaces, and I just want to be alone. I don't want to do an 8 hour stream in front of who knows how many people today. I wanna be alone while I can be

I'm just, exhausted. This is the first time I've had the house completely to myself in so fucking long and I'm so fucking tired. I'm so fucking stressed.

As someone who loves my job and a chunk of it involves hanging with folks I really respect or really enjoy the company of, I feel it's really telling when I'd rather completely seclude myself for 12 hours instead of working today

Do know, that's not gonna stop me, but it's something I really try to keep in mind

I think one of the funniest and most unfortunate things about this streaming thing working out is I'll see people hanging in my server working on art & I wanna hop in & see what they're up, and for a moment I forget that I'm the popular streamer & someone's gonna clam up with me suddenly hopping in

Another day where 🟫 is stressed because I'm bedrotting and he wants to scoop me out and clean me up, because I'm in full shutdown, but have to unmatt my hair and fix myself before I leave in an hour and a half

But he can't. Because he's an alter. Not a physical person

I wish he could. Desperately

Today was the first time 🟥 snatched the reins while I was live and it was because he wanted to read a character's lines in a game

Here's to hoping this doesn't become a regular thing, because 🟦 doing that suddenly while live is enough of a handful, but I can excuse him. I can't excuse 🟥's behavior