sriracha

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 encore!!

fully caught up on love island. yes, I am better than you.

Now that Mamdani has won do you think they’ll stop asking him stupid questions like if he’ll get lunch with Emperor Zurg

been on a wellness shot kick recently. to the point where I’ll have one at any time of the day.

10 years in LA and they finally got me gal

I feel like if I tried really hard I could do a good Hank Hill impression but I’m too much of a coward to fail that I won’t even try, not even in the safety of my own home away from judgement

military parade for a draft dodger

right… right…

how those bone spurs treating ya donny?

FUCK ICE. FUCK ICE. FUCK ICE.

can’t wait for Elon to be like, “when I said I love you I didn’t mean it” and Donald will be like, “take that back bitch,” and Elon will be like, “no and also my friends never liked you,” and Donald will be like, “you don’t have any friends.”

I love a public breakup 😈

first day of pride and I haven’t met my wife so I think it’s over for me

jumped on my mini trampoline for too long and now I can’t walk

is this what happens in your late 20’s

has your ass ever been so juicy that it physically shifts the positioning of the tectonic plates

look at him.

Technically this could be either of them

the easter bunny can’t hide eggs this year because they’re so expensive and somehow trans people being in the military are responsible and somehow that is relevant to the price of eggs

thinking about Luigi

when am I not

free my boy

So true bestie

really thought all the hullabaloo around emelia perez being bad was just “let’s shit on this new thing” talk but WOOF

to be made? no, to be APPROVED to be made? yikes-a-roni

to be nominated?? egads.

to not cast ME in this future camp cult classic? a TRAVESTY.

Had a dream where I was decorating for Valentine’s Day. Cannot wait to turn my dreams into reality.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times

Why don’t you like me

“you can’t get violent because they’ll declare martial law”

no ur so right diva. let’s sign another petition that they’ll totally definitely read!! how could they not, there’s so many signatures!! that will really show em were not gonna stand for it!!

They just raised my rent again.

Who do they think I am? A financially stable person who doesn’t cry?

Fellas I’M the alpha.

I’m ALSO the omega.

I have a god complex.

😬

Thank GOD you said this. No one knew what I was talking about before 😮‍💨

At this point, why do we even care about the Oscar’s. Why do we subject ourselves to these award shows

“A Duck Walked Up To The Lemonade Stand” was never nominated for best comedy/musical so you know they have no merit

Weird that we have to say this, but the government doesn’t get to decide what gender a person is.

And Carrie Underwood?

You can catch these motherfucking hands too.

TRUST.

what do you think he’s gonna wear for the inauguration tomorrow?

do you think he has it laid out on his bed like a fucking loser?

thank you?? you want me to thank that man for his “efforts” to save tiktok??

how about EAT SHIT and literally CATAPULT yourself into the fucking SUN you FREAK

gayyyyle 😭

we’ll be back (or we wont’) and better than ever. you can’t keep a good diva down ☝🏻