Tingy ('tin-jee') Simoes

Seductively sipping on an Alka-Seltzer.

*slow blink

Cor, sure would feel great right now if we were self-sufficient in renewable energy, and laughing at all the rubes reliant on global oil supplies. We'd have a bit of a swagger in our step today.

please sir, my hour, i have lost it and it was so dear to me

a man with a beard sits in front of a laptop ALT: a man with a beard sits in front of a laptop

Anyone remember that movie Wag the Dog? Anyone? No? Okay.

Please respect my privacy while I hit a curb.

girl from The Ring glowed up

on a related note *screams*

if a shark bites you, you should turn into a shark why do only vampires wield such power

they should invent a falling asleep on the couch that happens in bed

this is an absolutely astonishing feat of independent journalism, top to bottom, and proves that the only way to truly fight billionaires is not being funded by them. just…read the whole thing.

The sad Oompah Loompah.

Happy Willy Wonka Experience Anniversary to all who are celebrating.

Sarah’s living room is just a pile of boxes. Like a hundred boxes. There’s also a cat and a hoagie.

Periodically my dad will show up to my house unannounced and do “is my daughter still insane” inspections. Usually I fail. Like the time there was a horseshoe crab* living in my kitchen? Yeah. I failed that time. That’s on me.

If he comes by any time soon I am definitely going to fail inspection.

American Century of Humiliation is manifesting in ways I did not predict.

Death sits in a corner at a Starbucks and tastes a pumpkin spice latte for the first time. “It’s actually quite good,” he muses to himself. The name written on his cup says “Derp”.

Mate, it was 1066. Move on.

a brown wire-haired pup stands on a wooden deck in a grassy yard. he looks at us with golden eyes and his right ear flipped inside out. he has a pipe-shaped stick in his mouth, giving him the appearance of a sophisticated and dapper gentleman. just give him a deerstalker cap and a cloak, and he'd give Sherlock Holmes a run for his money.

This pup found a stick shaped like an old timey pipe earlier today and has already solved three mysteries. 13/10

Happy Anniversary to those who celebrate cat attorneys.

Thank you for the 30 day free trial of 2026 but I’d like to cancel my subscription.

two women flexing their muscles in front of a unicorn sign Alt: two women flexing their muscles in front of a unicorn sign

Love that #AbbottElementary did a shout-out to Bluesky! (No phones episode) 😄

I quite enjoyed it! 🤗

Reform is basically a suburban petrol station's DVD bin of Tory politicians.

Liz Truss waiting patiently by her phone for Reform to ring, not realising it's actually a penguin biscuit

Greg Bovino sadly filling one steamer trunk after another with elaborate fashy overcoats, the teargas canisters he always has bouncing around on him like labubus, and dozens of "chest-belts." They will be shipped ahead of him as he prepares to return to his home, which is a men's size 10 boot.

My second alarm is a soul breaking recording of the anguished screams of the damned but I slept through that too.

may his memory be a revolution

Please do 😄

Or to any fancy car driving shitly, in general.

My mum in Venezuela if cut off by a fancy car in traffic: Mucho carro, poco chofer (a lot of car, very little driver)

Dr Kareem Carr man: i wish to publish @kareem_carr Jan 21 reviewer 2: your paper is no good man: i'll do anything to improve reviewer 2: it's simple. you must read the work of the great scientist Pagliarini man: *bursts into tears* but i am Pagliarini Andre Pagliarini @apagliar Jan 21 a first: in rejecting an article I submitted to a journal, reviewer 2 noted I failed to engage the work of one Andre Pagliarini Jan 21, 2026 • 3:47 PM UTC

I just thought everyone should see this