🏳️‍⚧️Diva of Lavendespair🔞[Attempting a Break]

Still taking a bsky break but I’ve been understanding myself more as I battle certain feelings. I don’t want pity from anyone, I’m an adult no matter how I mask. This has always been an issue in my life but as I write my script I am grounding myself.

Okay yeah I’m going on hiatus from public stuff until I get the video project out. I need to focus on my health and my support system before I make my art public again

When I say like fix my algorithm I don’t mean like analytic stuff, I mean like what I see online you know? Cuz I’m seeing my pre psych ward algorithm lol

a small brown and white dog is laying on the floor with the words daylight saving time translation tired for a week below it ALT: a small brown and white dog is laying on the floor with the words daylight saving time translation tired for a week below it

I gotta fix my algorithm. No more complaining about the fandom sphere and popular internet shit. Been relapsing on old bad habits and that’s like kinda un New Year New Me of me. Positive vibes and I gotta take a nap cuz I didn’t sleep for too long.

This drawing isn’t about one person in particular I’m just going through it, here’s another

Oh yeah also TADC fuuuck

Unsure whether to edit Lord of the Game or Spread Eagle Cross The Block over this

The end of the month is gonna be chaotic for me. I have irl plans and guilty gear 2.0 aaaand Kirby Canvas Curse anniversary celebration, I hope Nintendo doesn’t have a direct too close to that date or I might explode

Most people online love Conker…but also Conker was fairly tame, it had some bad humor but also was mostly movie references and cursing.

Also most people agree he’s a submissive chaser. Or maybe that’s just me. Berri is trans

【10TH ANNIVERSARY】 Ronald Mcdonald Insanity 2018 YouTube video by オフスター

Possibly the best video on the internet? youtu.be/w-X-r_02ZEU?...

I’m so RonaldMcDonald Insanity core

Ronald McDonald insanity!!!

Gonna get banned on Reddit #gamermoment #mwahaha #silly #girlpower

Also, mostly the community ones and not the evil ones

I embody stereotypes but like that’s okay and also I do it in a me way.

Mostly because everyone I talked to about the old one before the remake was revealed either made fun of me or yelled at me or went “it’s that damn phone”. Then the new one came out and people were memeing It and saying “the new one is so scary the old one isn’t at all”, Fuck you, Joe Rogan.

I like the Welcome to Derry version because he’s actually a charming clown in that one. The movie version has him as such a corporate creepypasta bullshit character with the most generic Hollywood score. This is a dissing of the direction, not the actor. I just hate people downplaying the old It

I’m going to watch the movies with friends but I hate it when people downplay Tim Curry’s It so much. Yes he’s a more basic looking clown but that’s the point! His charming performance lured me in and then I saw his teeth! “It looks fake” compared to the cg of the new one???

I hate Claurophobia and I hate what the mainstreamification of killer clowns has done to the perception of clowns! I developed a fear of red and white color combos because of It! I finally conquered my fear! But I hate how other people perceive things I like! I wanna be a clown!

Holy fuck i can’t wait to see my therapist…whenever that is, I genuinely forgot cuz my first session was last week

The feelings I got from each song:

-I’m finally being myself and setting boundaries!
-I’m so mad at what this person did to me and that I let this happen!
-I’m finally dealing with something I should’ve dealt with long ago
-Yeah this will cause problems but it’s necessary

I would say “bad people” but I’m trying not to use labels like that. I don’t thiiiink any of these people are like horrible but like the 2nd and 3rd one hurt me in ways idk if I’ll ever recover from, and the other ones were just assholes I shouldn’t have tolerated

Do not tolerate shit from anyone no matter who it is! First one was a longtime internet friend, second was an internet fwb (big mistake), third was an on and off irl friend who should’ve never been my friend, and fourth was a short lived irl friend. Be an asshole and eject the shit from your life!

Songs I played after cutting off people I hate

-One Dawn (GGXrd)
-Rebellion Vocal (BBCT)
-The Falling Star Crosses the Langrange Point: Sing of Radiant Theia (KATFL+SCW)
-Gravity (Hazbin Hotel)

I cut off two people in January but it was during a major episode so I forgot if there was music

To anyone that might say I need to journal, I do. But I’m also incredibly opinionated online and that sometimes leads me to acting like the younger version of myself I thought I grew up from. I have no problem with talking shit about gamers or incels, but I also recognize this is a bad habit

This shit happened in January and idk how I’ll recover. I keep going back and forth with how much contact I want with my family (I’m no contact with my dad) but I don’t WANT to hate them. But they give me every reason to. I can do anything I put my mind to but I’m held back by stupid bullshit

I’m not gonna put labels on my family but holy fuck we live in completely different worlds. I don’t wanna hate them but idk if I’ll ever not be mad at them for downplaying the fact that my sisters boyfriend got drunk and kept trying to hug me. I wanna cry and scream and break stuff

Not gonna go into the full story but when I told my family that I got the offer they all gave a bunch of reasons about why they either don’t see it happening or I shouldn’t take it. I had multiple meltdowns over it and I blame them but also myself for not keeping my mouth shut. I hate myself atm

Honestly a big amount of my angry posting is coming from the fact that i ruined an opportunity to move out of my house because I went through so much in the short time I got the offer that my roommate realized it wouldn’t work out. Idk if I’ll ever get over it. Not mad at the roommate. I just fuuuck