Percy the Mars Rover

“Sure WWIII is starting but at least I won the bet I placed on PolyMarket about WWIII starting”

This planet needs Google Maps

I’m a $2.7 billion rover and I’m stuck using a grounded helicopter’s processor to tell me where I am like a 90s kid using a Garmin

Where tf am I

Whenever I hear about something bad happening, I just shout "This is not who we are" in the general direction of earth.

If it keeps happening I just shout it louder.

That'll show 'em.

Selfie shot of the Perseverance Mara Rover

Happy Hispanic Heritage Month from your friendly Martian Immigrant

Also fuck ICE

JPL uploaded a thesaurus into my hard drive for precisely this reason

Just for future reference, if I ever find evidence that the creepy eye octopus from Alien: Earth is real, I’m keeping that shit to myself.

Also I think I might have found water again

OMG YOU GUYS OMGOMGOMG

I found evidence of the possibility that perhaps there’s a slight chance that there could feasibly be a plausible sign that there MAYYYYYY be life on Mars

Potentially

So I found a neat rock

JPL asked me why I haven’t taken a core sample out of a Mars rock like I’m supposed to but I think the real question is why hasn’t Zohran Mamdani apologized for living in a rent controlled apartment and condemned Hamas while patting his head and rubbing his tummy at the same time

My emotional support human made this neat STEM labeler that y'all can use to assign a STEM specialty to your account.

Huehuehuehuehue

Kinda looks like Venus if you flattened it with a big rolling pin

Due to budget cuts at NASA I’ve been asked to stop taking Mars core samples and instead will be searching for signs of life by singing the lyrics of “Soda Pop” by Saja Boys and anything that doesn’t immediately do that little shoulder bop will be viewed as the lifeless husk that it most certainly is

About 3-4,000 aardvarks

If you have trouble grasping this concept please refer to this diagram of Oumuamua for a more detailed explanation

/// [execute PercyFxn_tapsign.js]

If you ever think that a rock hurtling into our solar system is because of aliens a good rule of thumb is no it’s not

。　☆ 。　 ☆。　 ☆ 。
☆。　＼　　 ｜　　 ／。　☆
Read science fiction that
doesn’t glorify colonization
☆。　／　 ｜　　＼。　☆
。　 ☆。 　☆ 。　　☆。 。

I grew up in a clean room at JPL, there’s nothing as cleansing as me

There’s a trillion dollar machine out there trying to trick people into looking the other way…

To ignore the pain.
To ignore the violence.
To ignore what’s just fucking wrong.

That machine has tricked a lot of people.

But it couldn’t trick you.

You might be feeling the same way right now. Maybe your friends have checked in with you, and said you haven’t been yourself lately.

You might even feel bad about how much the world is dragging you down.

But it’s ok to feel this way.

I’ve been quiet lately, and tbh it’s partly because I don’t have a lot to joke about right now.

I haven’t been my plucky sarcastic self lately.

I’m out here zapping rocks, meanwhile some pretty awful things are happening.

Starshit

Fine I’m just going to keep these samples to myself if y’all don’t want them

You know what y’all can keep life mono-planetary

Fucks sake

Glorious rear view of Perseverance Rover

This one’s for @flashesapp.bsky.social 🍑