Donk

Dad wasn't there. Mom could barely keep the roof over us. All us 5 kids worked summer jobs, and after school, too.

Tried my hardest to keep my children from that.

Sure, nuclear weapons were pursued, but my idea for red wasps carrying fire ants into battle are "stupid".

That's the dream.

Why can't I fall asleep?

I can't slow my brain down.

Why? I'm not thinking about food or sex?

Ugh. Goddamnit.

Out here dropping f bombs on msnow

It's utter dogshit how Forrest Gump holds up school buses.

So, apparently, you get labeled "Midwest" by your eldest daughter if you whisper "okie dokie" every time you do something.

Rev. Al is a treasure.

My wife and I are taking an Improv class and this morning she blasted me with "go!" and I said "go thundercats!"

She then said "try again!"

And I said "don't lick my toe Andre Linoge!"

I think she's going to leave me.

Listening to this fuck on Ari Melber:

Fuck you, you fucking fuck. And go fuck yourself. Also, fuck you.

So, prosecute and lock her up? Right?

Well yeah, they fuckin

Fun fact: The state of Oklahoma's government hold song is a shitty acoustic cover of Lynard Skynyrd's Tuesday's Gone.

Just listened to it ,while my estimated wait time was 1 minute, for 59 minutes.

Also listened to it a week ago for 7 hours, with an estimated wait time of 4 minutes. Got hung up on

Aye. It's a dick measuring contest where the "dick" is hate, hate and masochism

Can't we all just, like, get absurdly well serviced?

Not in this economy.

I wrote a bit at school that we can halve the annual spending, have a system with single payer healthcare and better education, and also pay off the national debt.

I was still elaborating a better national pension. But a very nice lady did a very nice thing, and I got sidetracked.

I'm not a "glass half empty/glass half full" person.

I am "I have a glass and there's something in it" person.

Came across the YouTube show last meals. Mine -

Eggs Benedict w/ ham and hash browns w/milk

My wifes tuna salad sandwich w/coke

Taco Bell Bean burrito w/ extra red sauce w/coke

Medium well ribeye w/ roasted potatoes, mac and cheese w/jim beam and Budweiser and a butter sauce

Oi, cunt. Fuck you.

I played corner, made every snap a fucking fistfight in a phonebooth and I strictly played press man with an inside tilt, forcing sideline.

Constantly hitting the armpit/collarbone wore dudes down. Not 1 completed pass against me of more than 3 yards. And not more than twice.

Also, I sucked.

He needs to go…

Both. He's both.

Swayze didn't get me. Snipes didn't get me. John Leguizamo got me.

My left is bigger than my right. A size and a half bigger. I jump twice as high with my left. Buying shoes is ridiculous. Also, I can't paint with my left hand. Only my right.

I'm watching "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar"

THAT'S WHAT I'M FUCKIN' TALKING ABOUT!

Just saw this

He has the charisma of a broken foot.

I turned my phone off and back on. My pin didn't work. Had to do a factory reset.

But the velveeta mac and cheese with pepperoni minis and rotel was good.

Just had an argument with one of my brothers that all life born on Earth are in fact earthlings.

He confused earthlings with humans.

Piece of shit earthling he is. And he's watching me type this.

CHINGA LA MIGRA!!!