New year, *like* new Cela

Sometimes you’re the black hole and sometimes you’re the thing hurtling uncontrollably towards it

terrorizing my mind with a positive thought

Yes please! Can you add me we well?

My brain has two speeds: saying everything I’ve ever thought with stunning clarity or forgetting basic vocabulary halfway through a sentence.

Sorry I missed your phone call, I was waiting for it to stop ringing so I could text you back to ask what you want.

🤞🤞

heard you was talkin shit

Might be my favorite 🐋 paragraph

Yup 🐋

Excellent - thank you! I love this book so much

ESPN fantasy app view of the final for the championship featuring the Kuzmaniaks (Hello Kitty helmet logo) vs. Orange Fluff, Seriously. The Kuzmaniaks coming off a three-game (regular season) losing streak while OFS won their last three. Kuzmaniaks won 224.9-222.38 a nail biter until the last second

Omg the my Kuzmaniaks are champions!!

Allen wrecking my chances in my fantasy championship but great to watch

What a drive

Yes please again! 🐋

So... is there a mister mrs. claus

ESPN fantasy app view of the matchup for the championship featuring the Kuzmaniaks (Hello Kitty helmet logo) vs. Orange Fluff, Seriously. The Kuzmaniaks coming off a three-game (regular season) losing streak while OFS won their last three. Partial roster visible where it hasn't updated to show that J. Smith-Njigba blew up on TNF. J. Herbert QB J. Allen S. Barkley RB. J. Warren J. Taylor RB. J. Williams J. Williams WR N. Collins T. McLaurin WR J. Smith-Njigba T. Hockenson TE K. Pitts Sr. D. Metcalf FLX. D. Swift

If you are looking for a team to root for the next couple of weeks may I present to you the Kuzmaniaks who snuck into the playoffs on a three game losing streak then knocked out the number one seed to get into the championship 🏈🥳

Haha no but maybe I start posting their photos and crowdsource what the hell is this and why did they send it to me

Yelling at my family for sending me photos without alt text

You can still nut in november if you get a note from your doctor

If George Lucas made fleabag that scene would be Mamdani now and you could only get the Obama one on vhs

anyone who posts on social media is a loser

Urgent! Been saving daylight for months - now it turns out it's worth nothing?? If you can use it it's yours but you haul it. Serious inquiries only!!

Taurus: Things aren’t as bad as they seem, they’re worse.

they should invent a sad where allowing yourself to feel sad fixes the problem that is making you so sad

When people say to me “I’ve had enough of your nonsense” I give them a little more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite.

I imagine you had quite a stack to go through (complimentary) 🥰

Krtek! My childhood! 🥰

This is not what the 21st century looked like in the brochure.

Guys am I annoying?