Graeme Bayliss

Attention, male idiots: wearing overlarge shoes will not make people think you have a massive hog; it will make them think your tiny baby feet are tiny.

He also can't seem to fathom a world in which he's not the mayor of Toronto.

Anyway I'm sure some developer in Vaughan is chuffed about this news.

Today I walked past a burger place called The Bulging. Do not name your restaurant The Bulging. It’s like naming it The Engorgement, or The Tumescence.

I will not be running for mayor of Toronto I even asked my editor at the Star for a two-page spread to help readers understand the extent to which I am not running for mayor of Toronto.

Breaking news! I have my first opinion piece in the Toronto Star today! I got to make fun of John Tory AND make a joke about me playing for the Blue Jays, so it's safe to say that this was the most fun I've had writing something in a while. 💙 www.thestar.com/opinion/cont...

Sure it’s pretty, but trust me folks you’re going to love when Doug Ford fills it in to build the world’s largest go-kart track and stag-party venue.

An image of Bart and Lisa Simpson.

I turned off spellcheck yesterday while editing to approximate the thrill and danger of free solo climbing. I'm still pretty keyed up.

I don’t know what kind of oven you’ve got; mine only plays taunting jingles at me.

Principal Seymour Skinner along with the caption "PATHETIC."

You said I was mad when I refused to reset my clocks last fall, but who's mad now? Have fun trying to remember how to manipulate your appliances' various time-setting interfaces this weekend, pitiful fools.

Have a lover caress you the way the Canadian establishment caresses John Tory.

No need to wait. Just picture any Tory-related puff piece out there already, except now it’s wearing a stupid hat.

In fairness to the premier, I don't think he's ever visited Toronto, much less its waterfront. Possibly he means well.

I will not be running for mayor of Toronto I even asked my editor at the Star for a two-page spread to help readers understand the extent to which I am not running for mayor of Toronto.

HEARTBREAKING: @clareblackwood.bsky.social announces she will *not* be running for mayor of Toronto.

Exclusive to the @thestar.com: www.thestar.com/opinion/cont...

I'm told Randy Ford was also considering a run for Toronto mayor before he was tapped to be the next Shah of Iran.

Michael Ford, premier’s nephew, considering run for Toronto mayor Michael Ford was a city councillor from 2016 to 2022 and was elected Ontario PC MPP in 2022.

For fuck’s sake. It is genuinely, heartbreakingly depressing to think how much better Toronto would be if it weren’t for this blight of a family. www.thestar.com/news/gta/mic...

What's up with conservatives and dead animals? Consider:
- David Cameron violated a dead pig
- RFK Jr. staged a cycling accident using a dead bear
- Kristi Noem killed a dog
- Kristi Noem killed a goat
- That one National Post guy killed a raccoon
- Dick Cheney shot a lawyer he mistook for a quail

It grieves me to report that your email does not, in fact, find me well, and further that I wish it had not found me at all.

Graeme Bayliss: Another Toronto icon is disappearing. Here’s what tomorrow’s kids will miss There was lots to learn at Steve's Music when I was 15 — and not only about guitar.

Another Toronto icon is disappearing. Here’s what tomorrow’s kids will miss #Opinion

They should've gone full U.S. Navy SEAL copypasta:

Operation I Will Shit Fury All Over You and You Will Drown in It You're Fucking Dead Kiddo

Graeme Bayliss: Another Toronto icon is disappearing. Here’s what tomorrow’s kids will miss There was lots to learn at Steve's Music when I was 15 — and not only about guitar.

As a former future rockstar, I wrote about what losing Steve’s Music means for GTA band geeks like me, for @thestar.com: www.thestar.com/opinion/star...

Graeme Bayliss: Another Toronto icon is disappearing. Here’s what tomorrow’s kids will miss There was lots to learn at Steve's Music when I was 15 — and not only about guitar.

"...you stayed to discover that those who play the loudest and use the fanciest gear often suck the most, that hard work can take you beyond talent, that the scary guy in the corpse paint is really very friendly."

PSA: The NDP debate is tonight! Did you forget the NDP existed? Understandable! Check it out! 🍊

Opinion: How can Toronto’s police regain public confidence? — The Globe and Mail The damage to the public’s faith in its police is greatly amplified by those who knew about the allegations of corruption in the TPS and failed to report it

“For most Canadians, this is a surreal, alien view of its police services.”

What kind of underground soundproof Faraday cage–type thing do these Canadians inhabit such that they find the notion of corrupt cops “surreal”? apple.news/A6jmyRDLVR6G...

Toronto is like a haunted house in a gothic novel, actively trying to make its residents feel so unwelcome they either go mad or move out.

Brad Bradford is such a slippery dork that you can’t even use real words to describe him. He’s the slithiest of toves.

Checking in from Leslieville.

This historic snowfall will surely cause the roof of the Ontario Science Centre to collapse, right? Seeing as how it was already at “critical risk” of collapse before? Right?

What Carney didn’t say in Davos is what the world needed to hear most The world is looking to Canada for reassurance that a stable multicultural democracy is not only possible but desirable.

Toronto profs @rondeibert.bsky.social and Jason Stanley argue Mark Carney should’ve told Davos what really makes Canada great — for @thestar.com: www.thestar.com/opinion/cont...

A Mississauga man took the city to court over not mowing his lawn — and won | CBC News A Mississauga man has won a Superior Court challenge against the city over a weed control bylaw that prevents homeowners from growing some plants and grass over a certain height.

Should’ve gone with “Mississauga fought the lawn — and the lawn won.” www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

A man after my own heart.