dave

Telling my new personal trainer that I need to get seriously ripped because I sleep in the fetal position. He is so chill and totally gets it.

Trying to take a pic of me snuggling with my cat for a new avatar so when I send Therese at Barstool Outdoors a birthday card with Money Inside she comes and visits me but the fucking thing keeps try8ing to jump away when I do the selfies. I'm literally bleeding. Fucking nightmare.

Walter Cronkite: From Tempe, Arizona the flash apparently official it has been confirmed that Clavicular was brutally frame mogged at 2:00 pm Eastern Standard Time some 38 minutes ago. Vice President Lyndon Johnson will take the oath of office and become the 36th President of the United States.

i can tell! you're bouncing off the walls!

the same can be said for the lizard on the flag of East Nusa Tenggara

don't eat too much candy bug deal. small portions.

Jeff Epstein, biggest jerk going. Leaves a tarnished legacy to say the least

It would be so fun to hunt biohacker Bryan Johnson with a crossbow

a waterfall in Brazil

I'm too shy to be smoking that Kush

Q: What's the only thing that gets wetter the more ya scrub it with a big ol' damn towel?

A: Pussy
Angel Number: 444

Free preview of my Pussy Riddle of the Day Angel Number Calendar Patreon. 20 a month gets you a riddle every day where the solution is Pussy alongside an Angel Number

How do you leverage social media brand identity for improved SEO results if you believe you are dead and entrapped in some sort of hell bardo? Any of the ghosts behind the screen names on here have any tips?

getting further and further enraged at brian eno's 'oblique strategies'

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Futa Zone: Lewd Control would appear as a demon that would dance upside down on the ceiling to peasants in the middle ages. These days it manifests in my reality as a video game in the "Steam charts"

Trapped in the prison of mind and flesh with no means of escape but Yoshi is in here too??? Yoshi's Island, SMW.....what the fuck

I wonder if kids are scared rn. Having bad dreams about Malcom Gladwell. Chomsky chasing them down a dark hallway that goes forever. Parents have to have the talk. If you see a state representative just start running until you get to our front door. If a Senator visits school hide under your desk.

reading my morning social media:

[GreY ALien smoking weed inside Miami Heat Arena]
[AI picture of woman's head emerging from a cake that looks like cum]
[jelly roll getting out of helicopter]
[Epstein on swingset]
[Schumer drops the ball again!]
[Evil Hypnotism involving woman's buns]
[A Corpse]

if she has sea monkeys inside of her "squirt" it's damn sure not piss

denim jeans can be a computer case. just wrap up a mobo, connect the gpu, ram+processor of course. all inside a pair of jeans. might stave off the darkness for a time

They put the Groundhog in chains this year. Invisible chains called late stage capitalism. I turned my back when he was released.

i have a twin sized water bed. i got the nelly band-aid under my eye. I was born in the Freedom Tower. I don't watch porno I make silly putty look like a P and jack off to that no hands. They have no idea I'm ripping off Nelly with my white band-aid lmao. Too Easy. Off to my workout.

i just bombed so hard at winking. i said Yo when i winked. i waved hello involuntarily. back to the mirror for more practice. put on my Gunna. i can do this.

What's up bro? Took a pic of you. My new homescreen. My dude! Nice to meet ya. Your politics are my politics. Go along to get along. I like you. I think you dropped something. Your Superman cape bro. We could be boys. I don't know. Maybe though.

they have been taken to task on bluesky. should be sufficient

Hey Dave - it's me Epstein. Do you want to hang out?

Epstein! You bastard!!! You sick son of a bitch! You leave those kids alone! You are single-handedly corrupting every dignitary in the fucking world! Cease and desist punk! I've had it up to here with your child trafficking! Kick rocks, ya creep!

It's just God emailing themself <3 Walking each other home the Duchess of York and Dr Attia lost their way. They became pedophiles </3

I didn’t weep once at the model train show. I cried. Tears of joy at the beauty. The Beauty. So much beauty. A lie I’m posting on Bluesky.

It is 2026 doctors should NOT call it a "C-Section".

I wish I was in Goldilocks and the three bears so bad. Just as a background player. Not involved in the main plot

It was all Crowder, Crowder, Crowder. He had one bad set, wore one too many miniskirts and next thing you know the flags were at half mast and Erika Kirk is now the fifth richest woman in America.

I am so desperate to experience true love in my daily life in a way that I have never felt before but there are constraints and hurdles in reality that leave me completely frustrated and wanting to give everything up. I just want love.