Charlotte Finn

Final Spawnometer count: if your Spawnometer has a smelly discharge, it's probably okay.

The Freak makes a big speech about how "both sides" have been alerted.

The Freak apparently is behind this and he's getting ready for a war for Rat City.

So, credit to the comic, I didn't think the Freak would show back up again. I'm not really thrilled by it though. A shirtless guy with a knife doesn't seem like hot potatoes compared to Spawn's other rogues.

John hands a box of necrogoop to the Freak.

Bootsy refuses to fight with the others. Why? Who knows. Possibly because boots aren't involved.

And John is selling Spawn... goop... to the Freak. Yep. It's goop. That's goop. What a normal pile of goop that's just goop, definitely that and not something else.

Cogs giving them a map to where Spawn am fucked.

A guy speaks about how Spawn is dead.

They are approached by Cogs, who says that Spawn am fucked.

And he am. Fantastic Orz lettering as word spreads through Rat City.

Sam and Twitch get ready to breach a door. Twitch talks about how he mentioned aliens a lot.

Sam and Twitch are investigating a murder by their one client, whom Sam forgot to bill (if I were Twitch I'd join the Olympic shooting team and to fuck with that guy.)

So this doesn't go anywhere for a bit but I get the vibe that it will, and I do dig that level of slow-burn storytelling.

Spawn on the top of a hill, bleeding I think.

03:09:2026

Spawn #68, by Todd McFarlane, Greg Capullo, Chance Wolf, Tom Orzechowski, Brian Haberlin & Dan Kemp.

Final Spawnometer count: holy shit are the semicolons in the Spawnometer mean to invoke Bible verses??

They fill Spawn fulla lead!

John blows Spawn's head off.

But something is off; the costume isn't doing beans. And Spawn is shot full of hollow points. What's happened?

Well, I read ahead. And it's a hoot, and a holler.

Spawn confronts John.

Back to the comic. Johnny wanders off, and then is shown planning to offer up an unhoused person to the cops as a patsy for a crime. Spawn confronts him.

Earnestly that's like a solid 75% of my social discomforts. It's not enough for them to like X, they need me to like X too. Been thinking about that a lot of late. In religion, in fandom, in life.

So hey! Hope I haven't come off as trying to recruit people into furry. I'm just really happy here.

Bobby cherishes a tiny glass statuette, which his daughter gave him. Some jive-ass new guy starts talking up Heaven and Hell.

Spawn weighs in. John, a new guy, asks what kind of loving God would allow for the existence of Hell.

Meanwhile, the homeless folks - Bootsy, Bob, and some new-to-us folks - are having a debate about religion. Oh boy.

So here's the thing, I get extremely uncomfortable around this subject. And the discomfort comes not from people with a religion, but people who need me to follow it too.

A lady comes in telling Twitch a tale of UFOs and kinky greys.

Kids, back in the olden days, we didn't have smart phones, so we had to hang up our porn on the walls or in mega-zines. They were like iPhone but paper. See you all in "Arcdivers 2!" (dabs)

Anyways, they have a client, a lady who thinks aliens are getting kinky.

Sam is eating a sammich in a bathroom filled with pinups.

We open in the classiest way possible: Sam is taking a dump.

Tom Orzechowski opening up this page and going "okay, all right. There's no such thing as an excuse for poor work" and rendering all those letters and that "plop." Whatever they pay him: add a zero on the end.

Spawn with a gun to his head.

03:08:2026

Spawn #67, by Todd McFarlane, Greg Capullo, Chance Wolf, Tom Orzechowski, Brian Haberlin & Dan Kemp.

IT'S NUTS

Final Spawnometer count: 🎵🎶 NOBODY GETS TOO MUCH HEAVEN NO MORE 🎵🎶 IT'S MUCH HARDER TO COME BY, I'M WAITING IN LINE 🎵🎶 NOBODY GETS TOO MUCH LOVE ANYMORE 🎵🎶 IT'S AS HIGH AS A MOUNTAIN AND HARDER TO CLIMB 🎵🎶

Spawn falls on a guy and he weights 400 pounds, crushing his leg.

Meanwhile, something's up with Spawn's fucked up hell worms because he has a waking nightmare and crushes a guy's leg. I guess that's the whole "spreading evil" thing.

What lettering by Orz. Goddamn. I need to up my game.

Spawn can't bring himself to say hello to Wanda.

But I see Terry's POV because Al has been a fucking yo-yo. Screaming about hell shit one minute, saying "I want my wife back" the next, he's this terrifying green glowing asshole with a living suit from hell and Terry is right to feel scared and jerked around by his friend acting like, well: a king.

Spawn and Terry meet in an alleyway. Spawn tries to let go of Wanda but Terry won't let him.

I mean, okay, back in the Gaiman issue they hinted that something was up with the alleys, but I didn't think that'd actually stick because some of the Moore stuff didn't.

Spawn actually decides to try and let Wanda go in a moment of growth, but Terry is the patron saint of reverse psychology.

Cogliostro and Al argue some more.

Two things here. First, Cogliostro is proven right when he said "prioritize your family, and to hell with revenge." Al ran out the timer on his miracle and lost it. That's a neat way to get at the emerging theme here.

Secondly, HEAVEN DUMPED HIM IN RAT CITY???

Spawn flips his shit and beats people up for mocking his face.

Al learns his face has rotted again and now it's back to his fucked up hell face. Would have been interesting if this had happened in front of Wanda, but - this all actually pays off.

Al walks down the street, cool as fuck despite having a Bee Gees song in his head. His face is rotting.

AL SIMMONS CANONICALLY LOVES THE BEE GEES HOLY SHIT.

AL. AL. USE YOUR POWER OF GLOWY SHIT TO TRAVEL BACK TO THE 1970S. AL. WE DESERVE DISCO SPAWN. AL.

Cogliostro vanishes out of their car.

Cogliostro volunteers to go back to their office, then mysteriously vanishes. I swear, everyone in this comic is so allergic to giving a straight answer.

Spawn back in Hell, I think

03:07:2026

Spawn #66, by Todd McFarlane, Greg Capullo, Chance Wolf, Brian Haberline & Dan Kemp, dedicated to the memory of Mary Kolomyjec, who inspired Granny Blake (awww)

Final Spawnometer count: words words words blah blah

Spawn sits on his throne while Cogliostro tells Sam & Twitch that they've been marked by the curse of Spawn and are his knights.

(👆 A little late Black History Month fact for folks)

Spawn has subconsciously chosen Sam & Twitch as his knights??? Dumping a body is the equivalent of getting your shoulders tapped by a sovereign's sword?

Cogliostro talks about how everyone has the capacity for good and/or evil and we are responsible for our own actions. Blah blah words words.

Are they like sports cards. If I'm Hell can I trade my Henry Kissinger for Mister Rogers.

If Charles Richard Drew, inventor of anti-coagulants and bloodmobiles that saved countless lives in WW2, gets seized by Hell, does he spread around evil despite having protested segregation of donated blood.

Cogliostro and Sam/Twitch go back and forth about this draft system.

I have so many questions. Who mediates these draft picks? Is it like a sports draft? IS THIS FANTASY BASEBALL. IS TODD SAYING THE UNIVERSE IS FANTASY BASEBALL.

Cogliostro explain that Heaven and Hell are alternating picks for premium souls for the war, and that once you're chosen, you naturally do good or evil even if you aren't.

This is b a n a n a s.

Blah blah blah, more words what I said in the skeet

Once again, I am a grumpus about how 'the homeless' are this great mass of people that just worship Spawn 'cause he's their king or whatever