Fraser

Can’t afford to panic buy petrol so I’ll be sticking to panic buying toilet paper thank you very much

This is now a monthly appointment. The Guardian has confirmed the presence of statements-grade angst among the Labor backbench. Would have told you a couple weeks ago but we were getting our story straight about how pathetic and useless we are, Albo only lets us tell one a month.

Ironically, people are going to be having much less sex now that they’ll be seeing Canavan’s face regularly

Last time we heard from Gigi was during Covid where she was arguing that lockdown was gonna do too much harm to the economy so we should just let it rip and just accept a lot of deaths

LMAO of COURSE Gigi Foster thinks WA secession is a good idea.

Honestly we should encourage WA to secede and then immediately invade them once they do

Let me know if you’re able to do crepes tableside

TFW you’re rudely awoken

They call him Mr Snoozewell

Royal Commission into why so many Nissan Pulsars had Reebok decal on them in the 90s

No no, you’re saying ‘Dave Matthews Band’, it’s actually Dave Matthew’s Band

I’ll take one of those sausage and cheese cloacas

The time is now. Scotland should invade England.

????

If you say something with confidence, you’re an analyst baby!!

This war could be decided by who wins this war

Doesn’t really take much to be an analyst these days does it

Proud of Jackie O for finally drawing the line at criticism of astrology. She could’ve easily caved when he said horrible things about the gay community, or migrants, or the fat shaming comments - but she held out for what’s really important

I thought the McDonald’s CEO looked very natural trying burger

Fingered! At The Planetarium

And this was before he immediately supported WW3

One of the main issues surrounding the loss of handwriting skills by students because typing has become the norm is that kids aren’t gonna realise just how good BIC pen lids are for cleaning your ears

I think we’ve pinpointed where things started going bad for England

Gotta admire just how many own goals Albo has kicked with zero opposition on any front

They’re the seven words no parent ever wants to hear from their newborn’s doctor

‘No more maybes, your baby’s got rabies’

If you take one thing away from this page let it be this: playing The Main Thing by Roxy Music immediately followed by Moving In Stereo by The Cars goes extremely hard

Now how tf did he do that?

You gotta open with Babooshka you idiot

Again?

As per, the storm in Melbourne was weak and underwhelming. This is a town that’s never mustered a decent storm in its life, yet still had the gall to call its NRL team the Melbourne Storm.