My favorite thing about me is how much I believe I deserve little treats for completing menial tasks
01.07.2024 02:33
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My favorite thing about me is how much I believe I deserve little treats for completing menial tasks
no one:
my daughter watching the opening to the lion king: pennnnsylvaniaaaa
Pay enough attention to me so I know you care but don’t actually interact with me thanks
Knives are also great
Tri-ply stainless wahoo
I love parenting because I hate sleep and clean houses
60 mins in an airport is the same amount of time as 3 minutes of commercials fight me
The steak egg and cheese bagel is one of the reasons I’m now a pre diabetic
Not marry, not fuck, not kill, but a secret fourth thing (rooting for you and loving you from afar for the entirety of both our lives)
A dry wedding is just like a regular wedding but with no reason to be there
I didn’t know children could be old enough to eat $70 worth of sushi but still have to be told to flush the toilet after every use
giddy because my new frying pan is arriving today, adulting is stupid
You've heard of fomo get ready for fobi: fear of being included
absolutely ✨glowing✨ because the phlebotomist told me my veins were very skinny
Lmao true
wife: its ruining date night
me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night
hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner
you type matinee i read manatee. every time.
Bless you sir
please tell me y’all won’t take me seriously here
Can I get this at Barnes and noble, I need this for august 🤔