ultra strawberry dreams 🍓

you can’t resist against an empire that’s inside your head. i’m not really sure what else there is to do in terms of history

i’m still p sympathetic to right-wing anti-imperialism bc the right wing is clearly correct about a lot of things, otherwise they wouldn’t always win, but anti-imperialism is last century’s war; these days we don’t really even have countries anymore, just an eternal individual war of all against all

i suppose there is still the wall street journal and financial times, but you have to ignore a lot of opinion and ideology to get to the facts

one consequence of 2023-2025 is that i basically no longer trust axis of resistance-aligned news sources. i already didn’t trust US or european media, but so much analysis of US or israeli strategy, weaknesses, military outcomes, etc all proved false. so for now there is no way to monitor situations

one third of my DMus portfolio was a set of requiem fragments. seems to be the vibe these days

i’m not sure if i like anything very much

like tbh i’m not thinking in terms of music, i’m thinking in terms of what would yield a good review in someone’s blog or an online forum. speaking of writing for a time that no longer exists

writing music is hard bc im also simultaneously trying to envision the critical response and make changes that take it into account in advance

i think realizing this is why i basically stopped living in like december 2024

it's straightforward to punch one nazi but when everyone around you casually engages in nazi activities this definitely merits an alternative strategy

yeah i guess if there are any classical music-related jobs anyone can think of i’m willing to do them

apparently life would be good if i didn’t have to love someone and instead would marry someone and have a family i don’t care that much about just for stability and to obey the patriarchal diktat. somehow my number of husbands and children continues to be 0

every day i tell myself the only way to have a good life is to give up on self-actualization and personal happiness and willingly submit to a hierarchical power structure rooted in tradition. then i don’t submit to a hierarchical power structure rooted in tradition

Lynnesbian @lynnesbian@fedi.lynnesbian.space You're doubting my humanity, but you're missing some key points. Here are some of the things I've seen: Attack ships firing off the shoulder of Orion. These aren't just battleships — they're spacecraft designed for warfare. C-beams glittering in the dark. Their location? Near the Tannhäuser Gate. Things you wouldn't believe. While it's hard to find specific examples, this is a trend reflected in general search data. The bottom line: All those moments will be lost — like tears in rain.

they still act like they’re trying to bargain with us, like they have no control of anything important to them; like their control of the government and the media and the economy tastes like ashes in their mouth as long as any trans person is happy

what’s weird to me is how unsatisfied the transphobes are. on X i once talked to someone who was like “yes. we hate your tiny minority group so much we’re willing to destroy the country just to not see you. doesn’t that make you want to detransition?” and obvs i was like “no why would it”

genuinely have barely written any music, any new works that aren’t just revisions or revivals of old ideas i had, in more than half a decade. if i finish this it will be my ~American Symphony~ or w/e just bc it’s the first idea ive actually had living in america

im writing a large orchestral piece consisting mostly of quotations because i guess its 2026 or something

oh yeah i also will try to post more on instagram and threads (username: avalentineoutofseason) if anyone wants to follow me there

existing etudes are too hard for me and existing preparatory studies are too boring, so i guess now i'm putting some together for myself for whenever the piano is tuned again

(idea stolen from Marc-André Hamelin / Paganini etudes var. 7, the only one i could ever be able to play lol)

weird, first 2 weeks it always makes me incredibly sleepy and lethargic and then things pick up again (unfortunately also increased incidence of migraines, but those didn’t go away when i stopped it so i guess i just only have 4 or 5 days in a week now)

we should not be peaceful in the face of a genocide. israel should be stopped militarily. it should be dismantled by force, and there should be war crimes tribunals. i couldn't care less about being "peaceful."

maybe i should lean into it and work night shifts? but i genuinely hate being awake at night, i only do it bc i need to finish work on time and couldn’t make myself do so during the day

apparently people are normally able to focus their mind and lock into tiresome drudgery and mindless labor at like 8am, instead of not feeling awake enough to do so until about 10pm when the impending need for sleep forces them to do it

like maybe the next rain of frogs should happen in Russia or Brazil or something. give the middle east a break

kinda sick of this always happening, when are we going to get some biblical plagues that *aren’t* zionist

it’s a small percentage to be sure but they have all the capital and capital is the only thing that matters these days

unfortunately i also know trans ppl whose families went from passively nonaccepting but putting up with them (or e.g. not trying to insist others use their birth name etc) to outright cutting them off or becoming abusive, mostly since november 2024. also have met a lot of newly anti-trans people

so when are we going to start burning down the data centers

as has been the explicit policy in most of the world post-2020