danzig4real

you think the devil sounds bad? wait til you find out what GOD is responsible for.

santa’s a punk bitch if he thinks he can come into my house, no better than any other creature that appears in the night!

werewolf meat has sustained my bloodline for generations, and i’m not about to stop hunting it now.

some cunt took my decorative black glitter skull!!! never hosting a house party again!!!!!

there’s nothing cool about christmas, folks. a buncha jerk-offs trying to be good for santa? call me when you know a thing or two about being bad for rock and roll

started reading a book called “the bible.” this satan guy’s the only one making any sense!

i did not expose myself publicly, i was getting ghost pussy!

i never make love — i make evol, motherfucker!!!!!!

i don’t “dye” my hair. i “die” my hair

WHO fucking moved my bricks?

a lot of people ask me to comment on politics. but let me ask you this: you think you can vote your way out of an attack from a yeti? you think when the real horrors the folklore of old is based on surround you that politics will save you? my politics are the sunbleached bones of a vampire, baby 💪

my gate is a normal volume! anyone tampering with it will be dealt with! — GD

i’m not a fan of magicians — nobody plays tricks on me, nobody!

they took my favorite stock halloween sound effects CD off of streaming. this is why physical is still king!

it’s a big day in the danzig household. i’ll be flexing my muscles to ward off evil spirits taking advantage of the thinning of the veil all night. good thing i train for this year-round!

as the scariest day of the year approaches, remember to spay and neuter your pets. every stray is a potential vessel of satan

apologies for the lack of posts, but october in the danzig house is the busiest month. rest assured i have been fighting the literal christian devil and thwarting covens seeking to suck me off. now if you’ll excuse me, i’ve got to get back to my new screenplay about chupacabras in world war 2!

the only thing scarier than the wolfman, the devil and the dracula is ellen degeneres’s behavior towards her former show’s staff. be a professional, c’mon!

had good fun singing about the devil in max rebo’s band for a song last night. not sure why the camera angle made me look so short, but the photographer will be dealt with! — G.D.

me rocking tunes with attitude

it’s all about the lyrics about draculas you *don’t* sing — G.D.

i can flex anywhere — there’s no waiting period when you’re at a gun show

sad news about jimmy kimmel. his show is one of my favorites to stand in front of the tv and flex my muscles to

don’t be afraid, baby — these carefully shaped muscles are fighting off werewolves and sprites

just showed some kids how it’s done in hopscotch — their parents thought they weren’t old enough for them to know how it’s done in witchcraft. but in this terrifying world, i say it’s never too early to learn what dangers await you. that’s why i called upon the devil to win that game

sexy evil woman, woah-oh!

i never “disrobe” — i flex out of my clothes

the only thing scarier than the wolfman’s howl are the people that don’t understand him.

dracula doesn’t scare me. you know what does scare me? society’s reaction to him. 🫵

she said “it’s me or the haunted ww2 medal.” well guess what? the haunted ww2 medal wins out every time. and you know what that means — i’m single. so ladies, get in line