Joel

Whatever you say, beautiful!

( A groan. He scrunches up his eyes, hiding his face in the palms of his hands. )

I think I win.

Hassam PLEASE come pick me up.

Nah, babies and I don't mix.

You can't play apostrophe words!

My niece plays better than this, and she's a baby.

'NOISEY'? 'JTIED'?? 'ROER'???? C'mon, man. Can you even spell???

What kinda word is 'UGAG'?

number 9... ha ha x

wait hang on i can still fix this

OH SHIT

Hey, hey, woah, woah, this is exactly what I'm fucking talking about, man. We haven't even left and you're already calling us stupid! No wonder you haven't got any friends or bitches.

If we're not *going anywhere*, then there's no rush, so we can get lost. That's, like, basic logic, or something.

And I'm, like, barely even a little drunk. Lucky you. But Danny's reading the map, I can't be dealing with your passenger princess bullshit the whole way.

No-- It's not-- It's, like . . .

Don't look at me like that! Don't pull that face!

Don't be a dick. It's my car, nobody gets to drive it but me anyway.

We'll see about that.

Hey, if we're looking for a ride, we can take my old deuce and a quarter. I'm telling you, they just don't make cars like her anymore!

Nah, I just got here. Though those guys have some weird-ass dreams. The nerdy one, short, glasses, big tits, she was dreaming of a castle that was just *entirely filled with bread*? What am I supposed to do with that, huh? Literally just bread. You can barely move in there!

||: <4. goodbye

||: hey thats huge!!!! and awesome news abt your appt. hoping it goes well for you <4

( Without missing a beat: ) What things? Like, my guitar? Where're we going?

Pssh, I mean, if I *wanted to come*, you couldn't stop me anyway. But, uh, no, it's-- It's fine, man, it's cool. If you wanted me to come I woulda got an invite already . . .

But it's fine that I didn't!

Aw, c'mon, dude. Don't make it *gay*. That's *weird*. I'm fine. Better than fine, actually. And you are too, with your weekend WITHOUT ME.

Dude, I've got, like, five people on my phone, and I'm pretty sure Orson blocked me. I mean, it's not hard competition.

'it's never been more over than it is now' meme: a mocked-up tucker carlson looking tired and done while presenting the news, with an image to the top right of screen saying 'IT'S OVER' in block capitals, white text on black background, and at the bottom of the screen the running text (black text on white background) saying IT'S NEVER BEEN MORE OVER THAN IT IS NOW

Another Valentine's Day alone AND THEN everyone is going out and doing shit and touching grass together WITHOUT ME???

No it's fine that you didn't invite me like it's cool I get it it's just my two best buds going on a weekend trip without me which is fine like it's whatever.

All by yourself out here?

Smell? ( Sniffs. ) Where? I don't smell anything.

Except maybe oil.

Ha-haaaaaaa. Tell me about it.

C'mon, dude, cut the gay shit and crack!