So the shoegate I understand it is this:
1. Trump equals shoe size to dick size
2. Trump asks Rubio, Hegseth and the rest of the ilk about their shoe size.
3. They all yell, like 10, 11, big, huge.
4. Trump buys those for them, and they shamble around in shoes twice their size.
Damn straight I let the cat out of the bag, and I’d do it again. Putting cats in bags is animal cruelty and straight up serial killer behavior.
me and the other scheming viziers are wearing shoes gifted to us by the king that are way too big. we look ridiculous. the whole court is laughing at us behind our backs. honestly this is a pretty low point for us, the scheming viziers
A friend of mine just finished medical school, but he can't find a job. If you have any leads, I'll pass them on to Dr. Bloodlust.
props
It's looking increasingly like these guys thought that if they could wreak more death and destruction than the other side then they would be respected as strong powerful men and they would "win" and that would make them big important heroes. Very possibly they had no rationale deeper than that.
it’s like they say: a woman needs a man like a country needs a warmongering serial killer pedophile for a president
why did we even domesticate peeves
I don't want to fuck shit up, but when it comes to fucking shit up I am 3 steps ahead of you
kinda like jerking off with a band-aid on yer finger
This day in history. 1982. Syzygy or the alignment of all nine planets with respect to the Sun. What are the odds that this could occur without a purposeful creator? 100 percent.
went to my childhood home recently and had a chance to sit down and really talk openly with the bogeyman in the basement. pretty decent guy actually and very sensitive. all those times he chased me up the stairs he just wanted connection. we did a pretend chase for old times sake
Sometimes the downward spiral is only a little whirlwind in butterfly landing to tend a flower, a part of cosplay, overwhelming still. But it's being handled kink by kink
WAITER: careful the plate is hot
ME: challenge accepted
Merchant vessel Seaway Hawk transporting decommissioned U.S. Navy Avenger-class Mine Countermeasures Ships USS Devastator, USS Dextrous, USS Gladiator and USS Sentry in the Delaware Bay to unload in Philadelphia tomorrow - March 9, 2026 SRC: FB- Delaware River Shipping / Andy Wyrick 📷
We live in a world beyond parody. The United States has had four minesweeper vessels in the Persian Gulf for 35 years. Just yesterday these ships arrived in Philadelphia to be decommissioned, a day before Iran announces that they are mining the Strait of Hormuz.
I just heard a crazy old woman in the street yelling 'don't you fucking dare walk away from me you fucking bellend' and all I could think was 'mother?'.
Had a kickback on my table saw a couple weeks ago and honestly I’m not sure if I’m dead or not
Poverty is like quicksand: once you’re in, struggling only sinks you faster. Late fees, overdraft fees, higher priced smaller quantities, high interest rates… being broke becomes your biggest expense and full-time job. Always paying for yesterday, never able to build a future.
You’d probably need round the clock ISR as well CAP, helos, etc. the biggest problem is that Iran only really needs the *threat* of mining the strait to further spook the markets
critics love to say that it would take a minimum of 168 billion taxpayer dollars to help end homelessness in America, but remind them that Pete Hegseth spent 93 billion taxpayer dollars on [checks notes] steak, lobster, and king crab legs in one month alone
Son, when I was your age, apples were as big as watermelons, they were green on the outside, and when you cut ‘em open, they were red and juicy inside and tasted like watermelon
I just want to be rich enough to donate a bench to a zoo
the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome
Do journalism schools not have "how to ask liars questions" courses?
“So many thoughts, you should post one” is what it says at the bottom of drafts 😡
stfu, drafts 😡
USDA official: you don’t qualify for food stamps
me: oh, snap
USDA official: you can’t get SNAP, either
me: what
Have the kind of sex where you have to buy a new house.
THEM: omg they look just like you
ME: did you just call my baby ugly
We don’t talk enough about Norman Bate’s prowess with a mop. That fellow could clean a floor
