lauren

i hate when they blast me with fuchsia lol

www.keithcirkel.co.uk/whats-my-jnd/

anyways this is me rn bc i listened to that no na song i need to go to bed

anyways there's a whole lot of different experiences to be had wrt to adhd. we're not all gonna be the same but we have a lot in common. love u late/self-dx people. hold my hands. we're all in this shit together. i hope i worded this correctly bc it's long as hell. it's 5 am good night.

also i do tend to see a lot of misinformation get spread and that is kind of concerning, but that's just the way of the internet. if this is sort of a new thing they're navigating, some folks are gonna maybe buy into some stuff that is Questionable at first. it should be clarified but It Happens.

i also do get a little like SIGH about the people who call everything "a little known symptom of adhd" but i am understanding bc it's often people just trying to come to terms/process that yes, adhd touches every aspect of your life and you start seeing it everywhere.

that last part is also somewhat controversial with early dx people too though. like i'm sorry but people recreationally taking stimulants isn't a good enough reason for making our lives harder whatsoever so i'm blaming the gov and the companies for that instead

sometimes i'm not super able to relate to some late dx people because i'm v jaded about the psychiatric system than many (not all - a lot are already Exhausted by it) because i've been jumping through hoops since i was 6, and medication isn't particularly novel to me + idc about recreational use atp

i don't exactly have a ton in common with all early dx people either. i had really disruptive symptoms my mom recognized and again, and despite it being a rather "typical" presentation symptoms-wise... she had to fight with doctors to get me any help bc they saw a little girl and were like "nah"

and early dx people need to not be assholes punching at late and self-dx people because they might feel like self-dx erases the sort of difficulties we had/have navigating the medical system... when it absolutely doesn't? a different experience doesn't erase our own lol

but, i'm not going to pretend i know the ins and outs of a late-dx experience, but just know that the entire societal attitude towards and science surrounding adhd has changed DRASTICALLY and i think that needs to be taken into account just a little with respect to how one views early dx experiences

i may have gotten meds as a child, but that was pretty much it, and meds only do so much, especially once you've been taking them for a while. i was not given the resources to help me build healthy habits to keep my shit together as an adult so that's always been kicking my ass regardless.

like much of the time, diagnosis ultimately felt like it was looming over my head. i still felt stupid, broken, incompetent, and annoying... just that i had a sort of medical "confirmation" and that comes with its own baggage. different baggage, but still a lot of baggage.

fear mongering about adhd medication and treatment was even more excessive than it is now. stigma was much, much worse and people had MUCH less sympathy. adhd wasn't an explanation for certain behavioral "abnormalities" to most people, just a quackish excuse for being a bad child.

i had adults say (to my face!) that my mom was a bad parent for giving me medication and that children like me just needed to be beat more. some doctors would not prescribe me my medication and instead tried putting me on non-stimulants, which lead to me having my first suicidal thoughts at age 8.

but like absolutely having access to medication was very important, but like... the "adhd community" from when i was a kid was literally just all parents complaining about their children. there weren't many accommodations otherwise because people straight up didn't even believe it existed.

and i think a lot of early dx people don't really interact with the adult adhd community that much because of our experiences being so isolating and not something we openly talked about. it's a habit. one that we (as in early dx people) have to break in order to have community wrt disability.

and i know that's not everyone's attitude, but i've seen it enough online before for it to sort of feel a bit alienating, especially because so many spaces online for adults with adhd just sort of assume late dx by default (and there's reason for that, most people are making up for lost time)

i just wish it didn't feel like there's this awkward rift because we share way more in common than not. and i def am hoping to try to connect more with people, but it just sometimes smarts when people low key sort of imply you're functionally nt bc of an early dx bc that's not true lol

i understand the underpinnings of why things are this way, but i do feel kind of sad when i see late dx people in the adult adhd community making assumptions about early dx people without considering that like. adhd research/awareness/acceptance has come a long, long way in the past 10 years alone.

i'm so bad at grinding in this damn game so this was impressive for me ok

here's a bad meme with player characters who have an adventure in hell (skate demon and v1 respectively)

FANTASTIC music and also the visuals are so cool. it's like $15 go play it

finished skate story. you guys should all play skate story it's very fun and also quite strange and it got me a little emotional at the end. not my usual sort of game but very good very fun very weird.

now what today's cats do is climb on you and lay on top of your arms while you're typing.

my childhood cats LOVED being on the back of the monitor of the family computer. i was always logged the fuck on so we would hang out.

many cats these days are missing out on the warmth of sitting on the back of a crt monitor or tv...

like he is so upset that he hissed at it. he hates gaming.

i need to use a controller to play skate story and it turns out that boo Hates it

I wanna go home and skate some story but I got like an hour to go at work. sad.