it doesn't mean I have to put myself through the ringer over and over just to prove I can
But it's also hard because people I care about are getting objectively worse since I made that choice
It feels like a punishment to just watch them degrade when there's nothing I can do about it
Sometimes I feel guilty for creating distance in some areas of my life
Then I look and see how much better I've been getting because of it
Mixed bag. I'm working on accepting that saying no to things because they hurt me is okay.
Building capacity is one thing and it's an important thing but
Someone in the neighborhood is playing saxophone and I'm happy
Spinning rapidly about setting up lighting with my engineer friend and watching wrestling
It's a pretty good Monday I think
My therapist gave me a book to read and I finally got it through ILL
The introduction likens being the adult child of a bpd parent to surviving a concentration camp
Needless to say, I'm invested and thrilled
I might end up liking this guy as much as the last one who knows
i'm only just starting to get to a point where i feel like i can breathe again
no more disappointing harvey milk
..."don't let people happen to you"
it's sad how often protecting my peace includes protecting myself from toxic shit from people i care about
but, genuinely, i'm glad i can now without having to be afraid of backlash
life's too short to let other people's neurosis control how i live
Noted! Idk if I've heard of that so it's working haha
I may have to do a deep dive into it sometime just to see what freaks people are freaks about
Those tend to be some of my favorite characters so it's probably a solid way of getting anime recs tbh
Oh I didn't know they were usually 2d
In that case I'd probably say okabe from steins gate
I have a soft spot for him
Poker Face finished
I get why people might not have liked season 2 as much but I think it makes storytelling sense why it is how it is
Time to finally do black sails next I think
It's supposedly very good and suitably gay but we'll see about that
With the caveat that I have limited context for tumblr sexymen I would say wolf and/or the huntsman from 10th kingdom
Criminally underrated story overall imo
Great thanks it's really appreciated 😘
Listen it's only for like 16 hours ok it's the only thing that fixes their insomnia sometimes
Not that I would know that, I don't know that guy ha
...ok maybe 17 gotta account for the after nap zoomies tbh sorry
binary trans people but that's not all it is and it's disgusting and discouraging to know that so many people think of it that way.
There's all the discourse in the world about nonbinary people not being man or woman lite usually wrt their agab
But we never talk about how often binary people (especially binary trans people) treat us as trans man lite or trans women lite
I get that nonbinary space is a useful tool for a lot of
Like real talk I have never labeled myself as transmasculine or said I'm okay with that label (spoiler: I'm not)
But there are so many entitled fucking binary people who figure they have a right to put that on me just because I'm an afab enby
Fuck off with that I'm not a lite trans man
I really wish that the other people I know who have also been getting broken down can find ways to heal
I'm lucky that I have the space to disengage as much as I need to to get my nervous system under control y'know
Idk I'm just in the process of realizing just how much and just how insidiously I have been broken down in the last few years and I occasionally just need to let off steam about it
Probably means the therapy is working
Might start Kit Wilson "TOXIC"- ing at the binary people when they make me feel like shit
Mourning how much of my self expression I've given up in the last couple of years just to have a rat's chance in hell at not being constantly misgendered or mocked by the binary people in my life
Really missing having a nonbinary-dominant social group, it's fucking toxic out here away from that
I won't take responsibility for problems that aren't mine
And more importantly I won't give my energy to black hole situations
It's hard but it was literally killing me for a while there so. If I'm gonna go through the trouble to choose to live I'm actually going to live
Cute date day c: got gothed up for the first time in a while and went to the aquarium and stuff
Pretty crowded but the dolphins actually came out to play this time and it was nice
It's funny to me when people in my life are surprised that I talk a lot
If I don't talk a lot in an environment it means something in my brain is telling me it isn't safe there and I need to be watching and listening instead
The work is noticing that's happening then unpacking why
depression in tolkien's stories but that's for sometime when I'm not so tired
The moral of a faerie story has to be practical
Don't do into the woods alone
Don't feed or pet the really large puppy in the woods, no matter how much you want to
for niggle it's rebuilding executive function skills when you're in a fucking depression pit
I don't think we talk enough about
learning executive function skills
tell me that isn't a wonderful moral for a faerie story
Lotr both benefits and suffers from not being able to just be a faerie story, right? There's no such noise in leaf by niggle
It's not a noble, high fantasy story. It's not an ancient tale of a legend long past.
It's about niggle and his impossibly big painting and his needy neighbors and
It's been really fucking cool revisiting leaf by niggle too
It helps with the impostor syndrome
Like my favorite words that have ever been written together are in the hobbit. I am in love with those books the same as the next guy
But leaf by niggle *has it.*
Funnily enough, Aurelia is one of my quieter characters
Have you ever noticed the careful way a magician or a carnival worker talks to people?
That.
I'm very happy with how this is going
