Julie Lavender Menace 🏳️‍⚧️

I wish my life was as mysterious as one shoe on the side of the highway.

I remember that from Season 2

a white golden retriever mutt with red ears lies on a blue and white rug. she is wearing a pink and clear cone around her head

my little handmaiden (😞)
she tore her ACL chasing a boy dog who was passing by our fence line (slut)

HAMSTER WHEEL IN MY HEAD,
rusted

my daughter just let me know she starts a new job tomorrow after months of looking and I cannot be prouder and happier for her and see I can post happy stuff

the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome

I have been searching for and trying to buy a pizza jet since reading this post

I... I got nothin' 🤷‍♀️

which bad bitch got served divorce papers this morning, went and did two back to back interviews, and got offered a job this afternoon?

THIS BAD BITCH 🙋🏻‍♀️💅

ME: I like your boots

DATE: They're Doc Martens

ME: And where did the good doctor buy them do you know

HER: I need to see other people

Unread all the words that ever were until we are all once again just primordial muck.

Muffins saved. Bathroom destroyed.

Saturn without its rings asking everything what it really thinks about Saturn and you still pretend to laugh at all my witty gazes in the planetarium

Blowing up oil refineries in a city of 10 million people that is already suffering climate-crisis-induced water shortages and ecological catastrophe is breathtakingly evil.

i read my 6yo niece some of your skeets and she said your jokes are mid and need more poop

my weeds are more colorful than theirs, and other pep talks I give myself

my favourite angels, ranked:

10. Angels With Dirty Faces
9. Angela Bassett
8. Buffy’s friend
7. Capelli d'angelo pasta
6. Angelópolis, Colombia
5. Angelfish
4. Lucifer
3. Angel by Massive Attack
2. Clarence
1. Angel cake

She's too busy in the bathroom to mess with the muffins.... Check and mate.

Have the kind of sex where you have to buy a new house.

my dream is to one day be an old transsexual, enjoying a picnic on a beautiful day with my old transsexual friends, and then someone says hey, remember when the fascists thought they could wipe us out? and we'll all laugh bc we're still here while they're fertilizing the grass we laid our blanket on

🤣😂🤣

Heck if I know. She won't let me near them so I hid her Gas-X.

My grandma just now body checked me when I went to check on the muffins.

I don't mind getting the silent treatment as long as it's constructive

I've earned 2 blocks and a good poster list addition today and I haven't even posted. 💅

I'll post dick pics when Bluesky goes 3D

It’s in my DNA to die at 20 in a field in Europe, but I’ll have to settle for getting run over by a Musk cybertank piloted by a kid who was one boob touch away from being normal in an Ohio field at 50 during the dumbest civil war in history. All because I thought minorities/gays were human.

Today someone else did this so I didn't have to. He didn't see the funny side

If things weren't apocalyptic enough, we're getting something called blood rain today. Seriously tho, I just wish they'd mentioned it before I washed my hair

My big baby tuxedo cat lying on a bed all covered in his moulted hair and looking shocked that I would accuse him

But I am INNOCENT I tell you