Fatwans

I am being held in Twitter Jail dears. Spread the word and follow me here. I will not be silenced.

*looks serious yet vulnerable yet strong yet appealing*

*presses buttons*

*jacks thermostat to 120*

Bluesky: Show me a self-basting Christmas roast option. ‪*licks lips*‬

*yawns*

*changes clock on litter tray*

I'm in the mood for stalking dears.
Who should I stalk?

*stares*

*jumps on top of wardrobe*

*stares*

It’s what we in the trade use to pay unexpected bills via Zurich.

‪*flicks tail*‬
*presses buttons*

*connects Swiss siphons*

I’d throw glitter at @dignut.bsky.social in protest, but he’d probably think it was gay magic or something.

Bluesky: show me an image of desperation.

*covers eyes*

It's #UKFungusDay tomorrow dears.

A good time to burn the festering contents of the staff panty hamper.

Purity is all.

🔥

Oh not this again.

I told you I can book ‘Fur by Fifi’ to give you a Blonde Ambition Makeover for 7.99.

8.99 if you want downstairs taken care of too.

*stares*

*orders bulk pack of staff maintenance drugs*

For the avoidance of doubt dears this is a pathetic stunt plushy he keeps for ‘special occasions’ I was out on the nip with the lads.
*scowls*

*stalks*

*patrols perimeters*

*sniffs*

*licks dashboard*

I do like a nice blue sky dears. So useful for launching rockets, lasering things with accuracy and bird watching.

*stares*

I may need to take control of this place. It needs licking into shape.

*licks things*

Hello dears.