Author Evan Witmer's Avatar

Author Evan Witmer

@author-evan-witmer

Author of Pages from the Pizza Crows, Digest: 10 Short Stories by Convicted & Plausible People-Eaters, and How To Burn This Book. Soon the be author of Tall People—a novel about the social lives of anthropomorphic kaiju. https://linktr.ee/Authorevanwitmer

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11.12.2024
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Latest posts by Author Evan Witmer @author-evan-witmer

Honestly?

My balls.

10.09.2025 01:17 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Love ur friends. It’s the best thing u ever did

06.09.2025 05:54 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Man I hope Joker in the Gunn universe actually does #clownshit I want him to throw pies. Squirt shit. Drive a tiny car.

#dcu #batman

21.08.2025 01:01 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Would the Eunuch Maker reattach my balls to my neck? Or would that be “too far.” #truecrime

19.08.2025 01:28 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Are juggalos canon in the Robocop mythos? #juggalos #robocop

03.08.2025 03:05 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

I’ve learned about #labubu raves and i got pancreatic cancer instantly

28.07.2025 03:54 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Any plans to release Sea Span from the N64 version of Gex 2 in a final update?

20.06.2025 05:22 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Check out my #booktrailer for the 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Central Canadian Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition

#bookish

22.05.2025 20:51 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I need AC. I’m not Europeein

19.05.2025 13:58 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Take a moment to enjoy a pig video today. Your heart will thank you for it 🐷

18.05.2025 23:53 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Hope everyone is having a good day :) sick today, might be allergies

17.05.2025 22:36 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Howdy (dowdy doo)

08.05.2025 02:54 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Geg #meme

05.05.2025 15:30 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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They made the Predator hot and now everyone is angry. #predator #alien #movietrailer

01.05.2025 16:01 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Got a cease and desist from #wutangclan Kind of surprised. Thought it’d come from #sega

23.04.2025 18:19 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I’ve got a new collection I’m handing out as an ARC if you’re interested?

23.04.2025 17:21 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

The heatlamps is what makes it good

23.04.2025 00:03 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Cool authors don’t follow the rules. “Not for resale.” Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? #bookish #authors #writingtips #selfpublishingjourney #kdpamazon

22.04.2025 14:37 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Happy #easter everyone! I won the local #egghunt

19.04.2025 17:41 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Convincing you to read my book based on the first word. #bookish #booktrend

16.04.2025 22:21 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Hi, are u interested in being an #ARC #reader for my new book? The 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition

15.04.2025 17:00 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I hate when dating apps make my friends sad. Literally the coldest, most vapid contest on earth making genuinely golden people feel passed on.

13.04.2025 03:07 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Looking for new beta readers for a story about left-handed people in a world that doesn’t like them. #arc #betareader #bookish #lefthanded

08.04.2025 14:24 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Hired a model to pose with my book. Asked if she’d wear a funny hat and she didn’t disappoint. #bookish #books #bookphotography #model

Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.

03.04.2025 22:32 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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#Unboxing my new #kaiju #kitty .

#kraken #gashapon

01.04.2025 19:29 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

Oh Bon Iver, you sad Winter man.

01.04.2025 01:46 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Got my new flag hung up next to its brother. Can’t we’ll all just:
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology

29.03.2025 16:54 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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I made a karaoke version of my song I Went to Zoo (And Got Me a Bitch) so now you can request to sing at your local Barstool Karaoke. #music #karaoke #funny #song

26.03.2025 23:44 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Made a cool #shortstory about a #dragqueen whose drag persona is split from their pedestrian personality after drinking a magic drink… trouble ensues. Check it out in Afterpast Review: @theafterpastreview

#published #authorlife #bookish

23.03.2025 15:54 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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My book got used to train Meta AI against my will. Given the themes of cannibalism, it seems to have screwed up its answers though. #book #ai #cannibal #litgen

22.03.2025 22:10 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0