Honestly?
My balls.
@author-evan-witmer
Author of Pages from the Pizza Crows, Digest: 10 Short Stories by Convicted & Plausible People-Eaters, and How To Burn This Book. Soon the be author of Tall People—a novel about the social lives of anthropomorphic kaiju. https://linktr.ee/Authorevanwitmer
Honestly?
My balls.
Love ur friends. It’s the best thing u ever did
Man I hope Joker in the Gunn universe actually does #clownshit I want him to throw pies. Squirt shit. Drive a tiny car.
#dcu #batman
Would the Eunuch Maker reattach my balls to my neck? Or would that be “too far.” #truecrime
Are juggalos canon in the Robocop mythos? #juggalos #robocop
I’ve learned about #labubu raves and i got pancreatic cancer instantly
Any plans to release Sea Span from the N64 version of Gex 2 in a final update?
Check out my #booktrailer for the 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Central Canadian Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition
#bookish
I need AC. I’m not Europeein
Take a moment to enjoy a pig video today. Your heart will thank you for it 🐷
Hope everyone is having a good day :) sick today, might be allergies
Howdy (dowdy doo)
Geg #meme
They made the Predator hot and now everyone is angry. #predator #alien #movietrailer
Got a cease and desist from #wutangclan Kind of surprised. Thought it’d come from #sega
I’ve got a new collection I’m handing out as an ARC if you’re interested?
The heatlamps is what makes it good
Cool authors don’t follow the rules. “Not for resale.” Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? #bookish #authors #writingtips #selfpublishingjourney #kdpamazon
Happy #easter everyone! I won the local #egghunt
Convincing you to read my book based on the first word. #bookish #booktrend
Hi, are u interested in being an #ARC #reader for my new book? The 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition
I hate when dating apps make my friends sad. Literally the coldest, most vapid contest on earth making genuinely golden people feel passed on.
Looking for new beta readers for a story about left-handed people in a world that doesn’t like them. #arc #betareader #bookish #lefthanded
Hired a model to pose with my book. Asked if she’d wear a funny hat and she didn’t disappoint. #bookish #books #bookphotography #model
Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.
#Unboxing my new #kaiju #kitty .
#kraken #gashapon
Oh Bon Iver, you sad Winter man.
Got my new flag hung up next to its brother. Can’t we’ll all just:
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology
I made a karaoke version of my song I Went to Zoo (And Got Me a Bitch) so now you can request to sing at your local Barstool Karaoke. #music #karaoke #funny #song
Made a cool #shortstory about a #dragqueen whose drag persona is split from their pedestrian personality after drinking a magic drink… trouble ensues. Check it out in Afterpast Review: @theafterpastreview
#published #authorlife #bookish
My book got used to train Meta AI against my will. Given the themes of cannibalism, it seems to have screwed up its answers though. #book #ai #cannibal #litgen