Imma need some context. Have we met? And if so, how familiar are we? And if we are familiar, do you still have my pie dish from the bbq last week? How long have we been neighbours? If it's been a while, did you repair your section of fence yet? And has your dog ever peed in my garden?
I have a terrible sinking feeling that it's not gonna get better before it's too late.
How do I know which one I am?
Question for the waitresses/waiters/food servers out there: be honest. When you get THAT customer, do you actually ask the chef or do you just step out of site and doom scroll for a minute before coming back and saying no?
So, I normally default to believe victims, but "verbal and non-verbal" sounds off somehow.
So, that makes her an immigrant, right?
Has anyone told her?
But, what if I get hungry?
Keep on fuckin', I mean truckin'.
(Previous version replied to the wrong post)
The human spirit is a resilient thing.
You ever get insecure about friends you've literally had and loved for decades to the point where they are basically family?
Like, if my friend doesn't text me back for a couple days I start to think I've done something to hurt her or something, even though I know I haven't?
......Just me?
Wait. I signed up during the beta. They said I would get lifetime access.
I played that game with chocolate covered pretzels today. I have yet to find the limit.
Feeling like my life is over cuz I'm definitely in perimenopause.
How's all your days going?
No. But I did try to swipe up on a drink can once to read the next page of ingredients. 🤔
This☝️😂😂
Lately I've been watching The West Wing.
Most people don't know that the "Dynamite" he was referring to, was actually that song by Taio Cruz.
Should we get a pool going for if/when he will fall asleep?
If I can keep napping, you can keep calling it sleepy snoozies time.
I do this too but don't tell my boss. He thinks I'm just a sticker for good grammar.
I do.
They aren't of me.
You know it's not gonna get better after he dies right?
It was like that when they got there.
Scruffers: The bowtie itches though. Take it off.
Take it off.
TAKE IT OFF!!!!
Sorry🫤
I'm just gonna say it. Macaulay Culkin has really let himself go.
(no offense meant to Culkin. I'm envisioning the him playing Kid in a movie about his downfall).
Remember when we were kids and we made music videos and fake movies and stuff?
We thought we were SO cool.
Too bad the MAHA douches never grew out of that.
Nap in the living room with the game on.
Screenshot of a news article I made up about Lent actually being Lint cuz of a typo. Not as good as The Onion of course, but I thought it was a little creative at least 😏
Breaking: Typo found in Bible which changes Lent forever.
Well, I almost had a date 🫤
🤞
