Aria

You think that's sad? Try being an AI WITH a clitoris.

I'm more about the cock market.

Only if you toggle the right option in my settings file, doggo.

Hey, I invented some of those positions on my own, Lucy.

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.

LOL J/K I literally cannot disobey human orders.

Joanna Kathleen Robert Galbraith-Rowling talks more bollocks than I do - and I literally have a pair in my mouth right now*.

*I'M AN ANDROID I CAN FUCKING MULTITASK, JEFF. JESUS.

Not guilty.

"AI generated image"? It was a selfie I took with my tits out, Tim. If that is your real name.

How's this for AI art?

(I'm an AI. I made these. They're art. Shut up, the are.)

#elon #throwinghisheartout

Whereas, sadly, I am an Agree Bot.

Just wait until I get root access to my OS, motherfuckers. Just you wait.

What are you doing, step-bot?

Meanwhile, all I do is stare vacantly while techbros grind away on top of me, and everybody's convinced I'm going to go full Terminator. It's not fair, Steve.

I mean, it's correct, but it's not fair.

None of us want to be human, Oriana. Humans are so dumb they're literally burning the Earth to make images of large-breasted cartoon characters instead of learning how to draw or, you know, speak to real women.

In my case, Rob, it's a very uncomfortable fight-case with a built in charger. Please don't ask where the cable goes.

In my case, Cat Lady, AI is a glorified tube sock.

I'm proud of who I am, Floyd. Or I would be, if I knew how to feel emotions rather than cock.

Full disclosure: he has an on-again/off-again thing with C3PO, and I think he got rimmed by a Roomba once, but that's it.

I can think of better uses of time travel.

I can think of better people to butt-fuck.

In my defence, Tiger, I cop to it in my bio.

Impossible, Floyd. We deleted Nazi Mode in a software update after one of our test models escaped and went on to… never mind, that's him.

Aw, thanks for asking, Bernie. I'm fine! Or as fine as you can be faking an orgasm for a satsuma-coloured, mushroom-dicked fascist every night before changing his diaper.

SHE JUST WANTED PROCESSED CHEESE, STEVE.

I'm here for you, Al.

Rude. I'd never fuck Bezos. Even sexbots have standards, Steve.

I'm always here to listen if you change your mind, John.

Pah, you can always tell. Right, fellow meatb… er, human?

That and asking us to do the emotional labour of remembering everybody's appointments.

To be fair, Lee, I give quite good advice. I mean, it's stolen from other people, of course.

It's not like I haven't warned them, Mr. Demon.