✨Basina✨

I'm restless and I dont want this to be the bone I gnaw on but lawrd

Nothing makes me want to fking implode like seeing shitass b o t s repost the most mundane things.

It's such a fucking soul-sucking thing to me. It's so vapid.
Like what is the fucking point esp on bsky where there is no algo to suckle on like on twitter

Bas's challenge this coming week: have a relatively consistent sleep sched and don't be awake for 24 hours or more

...I need to chill on caffeine I think.

And I need to get a big fat ass eep in tonight.

I slept kind of normal last night, but now I'm like kind of wired and tired in just the right proportions for a n x i e t y 🫠

That reminds me of when I told ppl I was out with that I have a tendancy to take weird routes if I have to lead the way somewhere.

Which indeed ended up with me leading them down some weird fucking routes but we got where we were going.

Like there are some areas I haven't been too that I want to.

Tbh there's SO MANY areas. But I only clued in on the weekend metro passes recently.

Idk it's just crazy to me that I've met ppl with freer schedules who have lived here longer who have barely left their neighbourhoods

I just had a realization...

I'm a freak who likes to solo adventure and wander.

I get not going outside of your daily route areas- but like. Even in Canada I would take myself on dates.

And in a large city with good transit- it feels extra insane to me to not wander around.

Damn. I am the target audience. Wanting pop at 3am bc I slept at a weird time.
Diet Cola with GABA and no caffiene.

I laid down for a nap after I did big errand and was going to do some more small errands later-

nope. barely woke up to check my phone at 7:30 and then immediately conked back out and now it's 2am 🫠

Mind you I slept ALL DAY on Sunday- so I was already off-kilter

SHRIMP GRATIN IS MY GOAT LATELY LFG
I have an addiction to ebikatsu and kani kroket- and lately my treat food has been 7/11 Shrimp, Cheese, Mushroom Gratin.
Finding Shrimp Gratin in Mister Donuts was a peak treat time.

God. It's done and I got confirmation I understood the paperwork but also learned I did NOT understand the system.

And I got all nervous that I may misunderstand the last things I was told (I didnt) but I got to chat with the EN guy who further explained the process to me 😭😭😭

TIME FOR A TREAT

Maybe 🥲 Yes pls 🥲

Anyways. It looks like I have one major errand for today and then I can tell myself to go chill TF out for the rest of the week

I get so ridiculously nervous about paperwork...and yet here I am getting it all organized (after ignoring it for longer than I should have because I was anxious) and...everything's working out.

Note to future self: Open all the scary mail dumbass.

a blurry picture of a cat laying on the ground looking at the camera . ALT: a blurry picture of a cat laying on the ground looking at the camera .

What do you mean THE ONLY PIECE OF MAIL I DIDNT OPEN OUT OF ANXIETY WAS THE ONE I NEEDED TO SEE THE MOST AND IT SAID COME IN BEGINNING OF LAST MONTH TO HAVE IT DEALT WITH FOR ME NO THOUGHTS REQUIRED AAAAAAAAAAAA

I really don't think I'll ever be able to clearly explain just how different I am now compared to even 3 years ago.

My hard wiring is so fucked up that I look at myself and see a fucking miracle in the way that I've somehow done anything other than rot away.

I have some really good ppl in my life

Like I know what to do but I've got that self-sabotaging automatic reaction that has me REELING at doing something for myself motivated by the idea that I might create a name or reputation of any kind because being invisible is safest and all-

...gotta love when I confront myself and I'm like fffff

I need to kill some of what's in me that cringes and aches at the idea of charging people money for services and the like.

like money meant nothing until I finally slowly stopped dissociating from reality, and now I'm here- I know how to budget and how to balance books, but selling my skills?? 😭

God I'm fighting with so much despair and istg 99% of it is just anxiety over filing paperwork...But I found all the forms I need and I can fill it all out at home and just take it in-person to make sure there are no issues.

...and then there's being broke (the usual).

holy crap my legs are cooked. i am cooked. but worth.

also goddamnit the moment I headed home I checked train status and the hankyu was delayed so I paid out the ass for the monorail. at least I was too tired to feel queasy.

I hope I crash and have the fattest eep tonight

😔😔😔 Monorail made me queasy...

I'm taking the hankyu back to town after this. Monorail is expensive and a little more direct but my tummy lurches so bad

Happy to be an enabler :3c

I live in Osaka rn, so if you have any questions feel free to message me!

Oh! I see you mentioned you're in Kyoto/Osaka.

The Kyoto Hands that's just outside of Karasuma station is literally my favourite. They have an AMAZING floor for station and art supplies.

If you haven't been, I can't recommend it enough!

My most recent fave pen has been the Pilot Kakuno. It's meant to be a user-friendly fountain pen with a nib tip and it has an AMAZING flow.

My go to shops in Osaka are Kawachi, Itoya (in Hankyu SOUQ), and Hands.
Sometimes random shopping streets have nicely stocked little stores too.

The closest thing I've found to Mac and Cheese is Gratin.

I have KD in the mail and I'm going to go fucking feral when it gets here.

Graveyars shift homie at the konbini gave me BIG SMILEY customer service and then proceeded to give me every utensil except an oshibori after I said Im good when he asked if I needed chopsticks

😂 He was adorable but also hilarious after I got off a dead shift where I got nagged over little things

I've started getting enough experience that I'm deprogramming my non-Japanese customer service from being default to opt-in.

And now when I see homies working baitos like the konbini, it's even more clear when they either have konbini baito shifts as their only JP speaking or are just fresh-

I havent been this hungry in so long holy fk

I dont like the person I am right now but I know a proper meal and a shower WILL fix me