Typical that they would remove an hour from International Women's Day.
08.03.2026 14:42
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Typical that they would remove an hour from International Women's Day.
There's that old joke 'how do porcupines kiss?'.. "very carefully"..ha ha ha. But it's true. Porcupines are afraid of commitment.
I'm just going to take a large gulp of coffee and check in on how the Board of Peace is working out...
Baba O'Riley is my favorite song about Irish sheep.
[blind date]
HER: I love Vivaldi's Four Seasons
ME {trying to impress her}: Yeah, I hope he does a fifth one
Didn't she steal your spot in The Princess Diaries?
I tried to figure out how many people were in prison, but I couldn't get a con census.
What are you? Some kind of PV=nRT ??!
I get it. I tried to swipe left on your Bluesky profile.
Don't mix.
I'm more interested in the Einstein Files, e.g., E= mc² etc.
[Valentine's Night]
ME: I feel like I've known you all my life
MY MOTHER: Don't you have a date or something?
$BILLION$ IDEA: Ozempickles 🥒
■ JFC
Pregame Poll: What's your pick?
□ NFC
□ AFC
□ KFC
PAL: Do you think the Seahawks will beat the Patriots?
ME: There is no way
PAL: Why?
ME: Patriots have muskets and cannons and Seahawks are weird birds
What's your favourite movie about Groundhog Day?
Just please floss beforehand
ME: I can't seem to send emails
IT: It looks like your Outlook is corrupted
ME: Well they just don't appreciate me around here!
Picture of charcuterie board with items arranged in a peace symbol
This is the only Board of Peace I'm interested in...
[Optical Store]
ME: I'm looking to get some progressive lenses.
CLERK: How about these...
LENSES: We must prioritize ending poverty and income inequality, securing a living wage for all people.
ME: Uh... yeah, okay
[jamming on guitar]
ME: *cranks amplifier*
WIFE: It's a little late, honey
ME: ok... *cranks pmplifier*
[blind date]
ME: Maybe I can cook you dinner sometime
HER: You should know I'm a pansexual
ME *trying to be accommodating*: Okay, breakfast then
[Grammarian Job Interview]
BOSS: What are your greatest strengths?
ME: Possessive determiner, superlative adjective, plural noun
BOSS: Holy crap
ALIEN: What is "January"?
ME: That's a month... named after a god
ALIEN: Ah, so August is a god
ME: Actually, he was a Roman
ALIEN: Ah, so October is a Roman
ME: Actually, that's named after a number
ALIEN: Ah, the 10th month so 10
ME: Actually, 8
ALIEN: Ok this is bullshit
[gallery]
GUIDE: …and this artist painted while in prison
ME: I have a question
WIFE: Please ignore him
GUIDE: It's ok…what's your question?
ME: Was he framed?
This is the worst, and best thing you've ever done. Merry Christmas.
[office party, 1842]
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself
Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
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Oops sorry, I had it on all caps