I'm SO weirded out by twitch lately.
It feels like accounts are getting banned left and right or something? For every follow I've gained I've lost 1-2. I have no real growth lately and it kinda sucks. I wonder what's going on tbh. Or if there's something on my end I'm doin wrong.
I don't even care if I'm annoying anymore I just want to be the best I can be and make friends. If someone doesn't want me around then they're missing out
I don't even care if I'm annoying anymore I just want to be the best I can be and make friends. If someone doesn't want me around then they're missing out
I really feel like I'm making a genuine effort to talk to people and make friends but like none of it is working.
I'm like randomly scared that people think I'm weird so I'm like extra skiddish around them.
Aaaaa
I mean it comes and goes. I feel like my brain will tell me something a few weeks from now and I need to navigate it again.
People like me..
Having a absolute mental breakdown at 2am and then sleeping at 5am due to recovery and then waking up at 2pm lol
I might deactivate indefinite hiatus at this point i dont know what the fuck to do
Please for the love of god do not have history repeat itself.
I cannot handle another leave. I like doing this, why do i have to constantly sufer.
If nothing gets done i have to go, i have to leave.
i cn't funtion i cant handle this
If nothing gets done I will leave. I will go.
Nobody will see me
I ended stream due to stress.
I just, i couldn't really handle myself properly and just called it. Good on myself for calling it but jesus christ.
Feeling fairly disconnected from those around me. Though it's more of like a "All of these other vtubers are much cooler than me and i'm just literally worthless so i'm just here" feeling
After everything i feel like I am most afraid to be losing friends. I understand the inevitability of that, but i at least hope a conversation can be had, but it's also not something that I can't force or ask like that.
I mostly just hope things go ok
You all have 0 idea how badly I want all this shit to be done lol
Due to recent things I'm very much afraid of whenever someone leaves my life because I have no idea if it's because of the passage of things or if it's for another reason. But I'm getting better at it for sure. But bweh
Today really stinked
Gloves are coming off.
This week has been a lot for me so i'm finally just. relaxing.
Im probably gonna sit in and just survive whatever this week brings at its end. It's been a lot for me and I kinda just want out of it.
Yes but it is genuinely really shitty to feel whenever there is so many events and anything happening and I am constantly left out of it.
I don't really fit in anywhere because I don't fit in with other retro vtubers but then I don't fit in with any other vtubers so I'm kinda just in this gray area and constantly a wallflower that honestly I just..idk.
I'm probably just gonna take it easy tonight
I question how hard it is for me to just do anything because of my own social anxiety. I don't talk to anyone. I'm not relevant enough. I feel like I'm constantly stuck in a rotation of like "I'm trying really hard to make friends but I'm fumbling it 24/7" and I just. What's the point"
Yea, its beginning lmao.
I'm expecting a drop off again. Not much I can do. Just gotta hold on and keep moving forward.
I don't think I feel particularly safe today
Theres that image of like a person really happy on their first day of the job and then a year later and they're extremely sad and thats how i feel about vtubing after today because i cannot believe how fucking horrible and stupid some people are and i just want to spread happiness
I am boiling with anger at what is happening. I will defend myself when the time comes. I will share my story.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
Nobody likes me
I'm just a fucking parasite.
