show me your kitties

It’s a great day to be kind! 🫶

my health is so unreliable my nail tech won’t even call me back to rebook anymore and the wild part is i tip like a lottery winner every time

Sometimes the downward spiral is only a little whirlwind in butterfly landing to tend a flower, a part of cosplay, overwhelming still. But it's being handled kink by kink

I want to reassure my followers that even though Bluesky has a new CEO, I still remain 100% committed to my mission of making your experience of using this website as unpleasant as possible

Mental health? Good as it gets for a guy who has eaten as many paint chips as I have.

Daylight saving is for people who actually enjoy being outside when it’s daylight.

sick of working, it’s time to start doing crimes for money

Having one less Sunday hour is my dream, I am actually living the dream today

You’re the best! Thank you! 💖💖

I am in great physical pain from once again eating a concerning amount of pizza

The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you

1am parenting: still up talking with my 16 year old about Sasquatch and farts. If a teenager wants to talk you cancel everything and cherish every moment

a good thing is when someone posts a picture of a cat, and then people reply with "great cat, here also is a picture of my cat." unsolicited cat pics aplenty. this could be the world we build

Everybody is fighting a battle you can’t see cause you were looking at a tik tok on your phone

yes, i can be “weird” and “off-putting” but on the bright side i’ve also been described as “not fun to be around”

first date: just need to be honest with you up front, I break my brick of ramen into 4 pieces

Why can’t a black hole just open up and take me right now?

shitposters are fartists

the whole idea of saints marching in is so impressive because saints are so individualistic and buck the status quo... you get all them saints marching lock-step together I feel sorry for whoever they are marching against

The measure of love isn’t always whether we can keep someone alive, sometimes it’s whether we can make sure they aren’t alone and don’t suffer.

Were the consequences even worthy of there being an action. We asked several unintended nicknames and "blockbuster cards magic trick that no eye can return" had this to say

Any hot queer girls want to start some social media where we renovate an old craftsman home in like Oregon or Washington?

Strength isn't always loud

Thanks for the invite, but I already have plans to set myself on fire.

Is it bad that when I hear a celebrity has died, I’m a little jealous

[checking my watch]

Well would you look at that, I still want to die

Pain fades eventually , but boy is it annoying until it does. 💪🫶

i used to feel embarrassed being the “crazy lady” people brought orphaned and injured animals to

now i feel honored

turns out being known as a safe place, a healer, is a pretty beautiful reputation

let’s play office. you can be the scissors and i will also be the scissors