Damn... So many grammatical mistakes and stuff...

I know I should have!!! I don’t have a Bachelor degree and am gonna leave uni for good now, so I know I should have stayed in Germany!!! Why rub it in???
I just don’t rly want to feel like I everything that I do is bad…

I love my family, but why do they wanna talk about what happened… There’s a reason why I don’t talk about uni and stuff, bcs I feel like a failure. I well know already that my decision weren’t the best and all, so why do they need to rub it in and say “You should have stayed in Germany.”.

I sometimes wish I could just jump in front of a train, but I rly don’t wanna traumatise anyone.
So I’m just gonna remain with slowly disappearing strategy

I don’t think I’m doing good…

To see that nothing has change. It is still here. It is still part of my life, part of me. And I cant escape it.
I can only lie down in the corner, and feel at home in the mold that I am.

Its all a lie. It is not sweet, but its deadly. Feeding on the very foundation its on, that keeps it alive. Making the sweet smell of rot, while growing ever more from the place where it bathes in nothing but moist puss, in the corner, oh so largely.
And yet I feel at ease.

That sweet smell that brings in pests with drooling mouths waiting for some grandeur banquet meant for the highest of nobles for only few special elite that can only dream of, but it is a lie. For its smell makes even the lowliest vermin sick, that false odor that wants to make you at ease but cant.

It grew grew bigger, and bigger, until you cannot unnotice it while walking into the room.
And you would think the sight would be the first thing, but no. No, it is the smell that you feel for first, naught sight of its size. colour, shape, or its place.
No. Its smell.

I met an old acquaintance today.
I found them clinging on the top corner of my room, right next to the wall that separates me from the cold outside. Right on the foundation that I rely on, I saw it there.
I first thought of nothing, it will go away with time, but no, it just grew.