EmilyInPortland

Who?

It doesn't take much

Have a good weekend. I hope your will to live reemerges.

That is the best reason for not having children that I have ever heard. 😁

Excel. We're not exactly cutting edge here.

You fuck with my print settings you fuck with me

Avoid office chit-chat by telling coworker who comes near you that you're feeling kind of crampy.

Make Times Precedented Again

Oh my god, Candace Cameron Goaway

Oh, you're just "saying it like it is"? Have you considered saying it like it is something that should have never come out of your mouth in the first place?

Your annual income if you were to live on the interest generated from a million dollars would be conservatively $30,000.
Your annual income if you were to live on the interest generated from a billion dollars would be conservatively $20,000,000.
The world doesn't need billionaires.

My coworkers don't always eat oatmeal at their desk in the morning but when they do they attack that bowl with every scrape and clang that spoon can muster.

Monday is the best day to cut your own bangs. Your week can only get better from that low point.

You mentioned wanting to see some African horror. I while back I watched a movie called Saloum. It's a Guinea-Bissau movie. It's subtle with a hint of monster-horror which is right up my wheelhouse. I recommend.

I know you're mad at me. You don't know me and live in another country but I can feel that you're mad at me.

Are there people who actually set their clocks forward precisely at 2am? If so, what the fuck?

Your existence could have been an email

More like Q’eswachaka NOPE Bridge

Noemore

In today's addition of What-Hath-We-Wrought:
Not only will the former Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei be replaced by his own son, that son is GEN Z!

I love #TopChef but they need to adjust for inflation

Would you look at that, gummie-o-clock came early

Please standby while I allow my eyes to roll back into their sockets.

Your "boundaries" sound awfully like, "I can do what I want whenever I want and you can go fuck yourself"

loud and clear 😁

The antisemitic faction of MAGA suddenly realizing that white Christians are going to die to help Netanyahu kill brown people.

Sometimes I think I've become asexual but then somewhere someone whispers "Jacob Elordi" and my body is like, nope there it is.

If you listen carefully you can hear the "America First" Trump voters bending themselves in a pretzel to justify the Iranian bombings.

Pro-tip from the hundreds of ibuprofen tablets now settled underneath my fridge: fully screw on the lids of your medicine bottles.

Thank god, now Iran will definitely be governed by a fair Democracy