Gleamy Dreams ~ ✨

I have already reported this stuff to the police, but without me contracting the disease, there's not much that they can do.
He is under investigation for other things though

Yep, already on that one! He tried to claim I gave him consent beforehand 😬
There's an investigation.

It's been ~2 years, they started investigating late last year because I found his confession while going through things for court.

I've tested clean for years thankfully.

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You know how you have those characters that you're always putting in bad situations by writing or drawing them in a bad position?
How you find amusement in their suffering?

Yeah, that's actually how I see and feel about myself.
I'm not sure what this tells you about myself.

Honestly, it was really healing to get to talk about this stuff and hear from professionals about what he would've been hiding from me.

He tested positive for both HSV-1 and 2, and while one of them is very common in society, the second one isn't as common and comes with bigger sexual risks.

It's available for free on YouTube! I can send you a link?

Having these things isn't inherently bad, but treatment isn't available or affordable for everyone to maintain a lifelong, incurable virus.

Disclosure is consent.

I'm very privileged now with health insurance, but these things are still costly on my end for my own peace of mind.
I'm anxious.

I have struggled to really feel clean with my body ever since he revealed the diagnosis after the fact, and I'm told that's actually a crime here in my state?

I have what they consider a type of "contamination anxiety" which is... Kinda why my brain cycles back to things like that often.

My doctor doesn't think I'm at any risk, but they're happy I'm documenting it in case there ever is an issue.

I'm told I'm actually very lucky in my case because he only took medicine to reduce the length of active outbreaks, not daily suppressive therapy.

I'm kinda happy we talked about it...

I say this because I was told that they're painless, which always never made sense to me when the medical aisles have strong topical painkillers specifically for those sores?

The blood tests for those sores can actually be pretty expensive without insurance pre-authorization so... Eesh.

He tested positive for both oral and genital sores, but didn't disclose the genital part to me. I like asking doctors to occasionally test me to ensure I don't have it dormant or anything, and I've tested negative every time.

Doctor told me today that the sores would actually be quite painful...

Also true.
Hoping that modern medicine catches up with modern society. 🩷

Every single time 🥲
I've had some luck with idea webs

a white unicorn with a blue mane and horn ALT: a white unicorn with a blue mane and horn

Watching this beautiful movie again.

In fact, doctors are so used to people with STIs and STDs hiding stuff from their partners that this isn't even an awkward topic for them.
They're more concerned for you and they will not shame you at all

They'll help you call the cops.

I feel weird bringing this up but genuinely

Tell your doctors everything.
They're there to help you
They've seen it all.

They've also determined one of his other infection's origins was a lie and told me he was lying about the other things
No shocker there.

They'll confirm your suspicions too.

"How bad was your relationship?"
He tried to call medical clinics to request my paperwork after admitting to doing things to me while I was sleeping.
"Get a restraining order and never ever look back. If you ever develop sores, we're here for you and will write a statement about his non-disclosure."

My advice for anyone else who struggles with anxiety because you think you're going to be an inconvenience or that you're going to get pressured?

Speak up, you're harder to save if you let someone hurt you instead of using everything in your power to run away or stand your ground.
Don't be me.

Manipulative people use your anxiety to rephrase the question over and over again until you say yes. Moon never did that to me, but the other one? Admitted he knew I'd make excuses to get out of things when I was uncomfortable..
So he'd rephrase the question again and again until saying no was scary

I made the choice to include Moon because I know I'm safe with him.
That's a luxury I never had otherwise... I am safe with him, and I know I'm safe.

I could disappear but why? He's never hurt me before...
Can't say the same for anyone else who treated my anxiety as an excuse.

He's always been intentionally gentle and caring for me, and there I was, in April, retreating into "How can I run away from Moontune and never let him find us?"

Because I needed to have that ability before with the last one, I was ready to flee.
I never went home after the 30th of April. I hid.

That relationship made me able to talk to Moon because I realized there was nothing he could do to hurt me that I wasn't already having to see with the other guy? As horrible as that is.
Like, oooh, we might exchange some words but he isn't going to hurt me.
He's never hurt me in a way I didn't ask.

I didn't snap because I want to get even, but because I know that, one day, I'm going to need to be more for our family.

I spent the first several years in my relationship with Moontune unable to even talk to him, that's how I ended up in that other situation.
Too afraid to tell someone fuck off.

The most difficult phone call I ever got was on April 30th of last year when the clinic called me to tell me that I had a nonviable pregnancy.

The anxiety of getting that call after the anxiety of calling to get a test in the first place?
After the anxiety of sharing with Moon?

Yeah, that did it.

I'm not the same scared person that I used to be, and I can't be bullied back into being silent because it's uncomfortable.

You know, I spent so long dealing with things like lettuce on my good when I am allergic or just being abused in general? I'm not doing it anymore.

Don't like it? Don't care.

These days, I can call a sheriff's department and talk with people.
Get emails from attorneys or paralegals and not bat and eye.
Call the state's attorneys or district attorneys.
Summon the cops to my location.
Order food for a large group.
Call and negotiate contract agreements...

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was 12 years old, and I got treated for a panic attack / head injury when I was 21.

I was declared by a court of Alabama unable to work any job due to my anxiety, declared not even legally an adult on my own.

Yet, I've managed despite that.

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A year ago, I had so much anxiety that I couldn't order food at a restaurant without struggling.
I had to write my doctors notes about how afraid I was of my ex.
I would write down things for the doctors because I couldn't talk.

Now I don't hesitate to answer the phone and talk about it.

pinkie pie from my little pony looks very angry ALT: pinkie pie from my little pony looks very angry

The biggest struggle I have as an ADHD artist is that I can picture a piece perfectly in my head but it then requires too much patience to put on paper or on screen.

I'm supposed to ask about Adderall or Ritalin.
I keep forgetting when I see the doctor.

I'm doing really well.

I don't know what I'm doing that makes it look like I'm dating everyone or that makes people develop a crush on me... I don't feel like I'm worth it but it makes me feel a little antsy.

They are adorable though, and I love their companionship. ❤️

The other thing I feel a little shy and nervous about is finding out that all three of them have crushes on me a month after the con and that these guys didn't really know each other, I was some sort of bonding agent?

I think it's sweet, but it simultaneously makes me feel a little shy? ❤️