I'm still annoyed by Bruce Willis's wife in "Pulp Fiction"
25.08.2024 05:00
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I'm surprised at the lack of "Home Alone" style pranks not being done to Ice agents.
23.02.2026 19:50
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An all female fitness center called "OB Gym"
22.01.2026 00:49
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Hmm, yesterday I had an extra hour and this morning it was gone. Not sure who's responsible but I'm firing the maid.
09.03.2025 21:49
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How come females get a whole International Women's Day and men only get the other 364?
08.03.2025 19:16
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Pretty slick how they scheduled International Women's Day on the one day a year we lose an hour. Like, let's wrap this up already, amiright?
08.03.2026 16:40
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The LA Marathon is happening and one thing I like to do is stand at the 12 mile mark and shout, "You're not even half way done yet!"
08.03.2026 15:48
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ME: [Preparing to make a cocktail]
HER: What are you doing, the doctor just told you to be healthier and eat more greens.
ME: Fine... [Reluctantly makes a Midori Sour]
DOCTOR: Still not what I meant.
06.03.2026 21:50
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Who's stopping you?
06.03.2026 07:47
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Which Pokémon do you reckon yields the tenderest meat
04.03.2026 06:20
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Just saw the biggest douche in the grocery store. At least I think he was, I was zipping down the aisle pretty fast on my Segway.
12.12.2025 14:01
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I used to eat what I want, drink constantly, never work out and still stay in great shape. And now that I'm older, I think 3 out of 4 ain't bad.
04.03.2026 03:13
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My dating profile pictures are like the beautiful Big Mac in the commercial, but I show up looking like the Big Mac in the drive-thru bag.
28.07.2025 21:16
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I am quite willing to negotiate. As long as you agree to 100% of my terms.
27.02.2026 04:21
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Just be glad this State of the Union didn't land on Mardi Gras or he woulda been tossing beads to every female in Congress.
25.02.2026 01:49
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Just be glad this State of the Union didn't land on Mardi Gras or he woulda been tossing beads to every female in Congress.
25.02.2026 01:49
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her: I wonder how many times someone has died in a hot air balloon
me: probably not more than once
23.02.2026 18:10
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I just want to be able to freely judge people without all the repercussions of being judged for it.
20.02.2026 19:50
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I got fired from my job writing billboards. I should have seen it coming, all the signs were there.
20.02.2026 02:23
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A little something from the neighborhood, folks...
19.02.2026 03:03
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Sorry man, took a quick nap. Won't happen again
15.02.2026 08:36
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Wow, Cupid looks really haggard this Valentine's Day-- Oh no, that's just Ted Nugent with a crossbow! Run!
14.02.2026 21:13
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They'll be registered at A-1 Express Car Wash.
14.02.2026 00:36
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i regret to inform you all that staying home instead of going out and spending money does in fact save money
13.02.2026 22:07
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If people hated the Bad Bunny Halftime show now, just wait until he develops into a full grown rabbit!
11.02.2026 19:50
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(pouring jack daniels into personalized champagne flutes) let’s make this animal house an animal home
11.02.2026 02:01
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after all why not? why shouldn't I believe it's butter?
09.02.2026 05:52
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Watching this Super Bowl, and I haven't seen such a strong, well balanced defense since that time I went on that Speed Dating session.
09.02.2026 03:23
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I just lost 12 grand on the Puppy Bowl because this stupid labradoodle decided to lick his own nuts instead of kicking the easy field goal. 🤦
09.02.2025 23:20
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